• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Say what you like about my Dad but he *always* put food on the table.
    Not sure why, the gravy used to go absolutely everywhere.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

    Comment


      My grandfather was the mathematician in Scott's Antarctic mission. Horrible man, apparently. Very cold and calculating.
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

      Comment


        one for our remoaners

        When I was in Uni I used to hang a sock on my door knob so that my room mate wouldn't come in because he knew I was f**king the other sock.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Paddy gets life in prison for something he didn't do and blames the judge for not believing him. Then on appeal another judge finds him guilty aswell, Paddy is furious. Mick is feeling bad for his friend and wants to help.

          So Mick says to Paddy "I can't get you out Paddy, but what I'll do for you is shoot one of the judges, they are the ****** reason you're in jail".

          Mick says "Ok Paddy, what judge do you want me to shoot?"

          Paddy replies "Shoot that bastard Simon Cowell!"
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            US soldiers are flying to Afghanistan.
            Lieutenant:"For every pair of enemy's ears I will pay you $100. For every bearded head I will pay you $200."
            The plane has landed and the soldiers head out. Few minutes later they come back with bags full of chopped of ears and bearded heads.
            Lieutenant: "Are you guys ******* crazy? What the **** did you guys do? We just landed in Luton to refuel the plane!!!"
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              So, in the near future we're going to have cars with no gears, one pedal and can self drive.

              Despite all this, I bet Audi drivers still don't indicate.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                one for our doggie lovers

                I've got a Crystal Meth Lab.

                He's a ******* nightmare to walk.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  All the single ladies!

                  I've finally decided on the enscription for my tombstone:

                  "If you're reading this, please pop over to my place and feed my cat."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    For PC

                    The woman at the job centre said, "You're always late, you ignore the queue and you are really rude."

                    I said, "What's your point?"

                    She said, "Have you thought of becoming a bus driver?"
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Will you miss me?’ is a good way to bid farewell to a firing squad
                      forward
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X