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Please put more jokes here

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    I went to a really emotional wedding the other day...
    ...Even the cake was in tiers.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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      Me: "Black really is slimming on you, you've never looked sexier!"

      Wife: "Turn the light back on you Arsehole!"
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        I've just poached some eggs absolutely beautifully if I do say so myself. Although the technical term is 'shoplifted' according to this jobsworth security guard.
        “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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          Just got back from Blackpool, and I'm never going back!
          I was walking along the seafront, when I saw a man & woman having a shouting match.
          The woman then slapped the man around the head and they started to fight.
          A policeman showed up but instead of trying to calm it down he started to hit the man with his baton!
          Then the guy wrestled the baton off the policeman, and started to hit the policeman and his wife!

          Then a crocodile came and stole all the sausages!
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

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            I’m starting a meeting at my house for people who have OCD. I don’t have it. I’m just hoping they’ll take one look and start cleaning.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              I got my fathers double chin, receding hairline and big stick out ears....

              ...It was the strangest will reading I've ever attended.
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

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                What's blue and doesn't weigh much?


                Light blue.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

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                  I once won silver for curling and bronze for the Bob ... yet hairdresser of year still eludes me.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    My Dad always used to say "Into each life some rain must fall."
                    Lovely man, terrible roofer.
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment


                      RECREATE the tedium of an ice hockey match in miniature by putting two teams of cockroaches in a big lunchbox with a Smartie.
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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