• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Using tablets - check
    Writing in emojis - check
    Obsessed with cats - check

    You call them millenials.

    I call them Ancient Egyptians.
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

    Comment


      Me: I need a bank loan please


      Bank Manager: How much?



      Me: Really really badly
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

      Comment


        Originally posted by WTFH View Post
        Today is National Orgasm Day.

        and I bet that some of you have already celebrated on your own, you bunch of selfish

        knock yourself out!
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Why do the Japanese never go to see a show?

          Because they have Noh theatres.
          Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

          Comment


            I've accidentally swallowed a handful of scrabble tiles.

            My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

            Comment


              I went in to Waterstones at lunchtime and asked the assistant "Do you have any books on turtles?"

              He replied "hard back?"

              I said "Yes. and little pointy head"
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                I visited the birthplace of the man who invented the toothbrush.



                There’s no plaque.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  Now that my friends have finished the Fastnet, here’s an old one for all the polyglots out there:

                  How do you greet a French yachtsman before a race?

                  “To the water, it’s time!”
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    Help.

                    I'm looking for someone who will do facial reconstruction surgery on a platypus.

                    Let me know if you know someone who would fit the bill.
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

                    Comment


                      Do dyslexic Yorkshiremen wear cat flaps??

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X