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Please put more jokes here

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    1.Q: What do women and condoms have in
    common?
    A: They both spend more time in
    your wallet than on your dick.

    2.Emoticon (smiley) of the week: (*)
    - User is mooning (bending over showing
    bottom)
    This Symbol is most often seen on
    management reports.

    3.Q: Why is diarrhoea hereditory?
    A: Because it runs in your jeans.

    4.Q: What happens when you play a
    country and western record backwards?
    A: You get your man back, your dog
    back and hour home back.

    5.Q: WHat has 90 balls and makes a
    lot of women sweat?
    A: Bingo

    6.There's a new rule for playing
    chess.
    The Bishop can jump anything he
    likes.

    7.Q: What's brown, smelly and sits on
    a piano stool?
    A: Beethoven's First Movement

    8.Patient: 'Doctor, I've grown a boob
    on my head. What can I do?'
    Doctor: 'Well, you could paint it
    black and join the police force.'

    9.Three old women were sitting in the
    park. A man walk past and flashed at
    them.
    Two of the women had a stroke, the
    other couldn't reach.

    10.Give a man a fish, and you feed him
    for a day.
    Teach a man to fish, and you get
    rid of him every weekend.

    Comment


      11.Patient: 'Doctor, Every time I
      sneeze I have a multiple orgasm'
      Doctor: 'Have you taken anything
      for it.'
      Patient: 'Yes, some black pepper'

      12.Q: Whats the difference between a
      new husband and a new dog?
      A: After a year, the dog is still
      pleased to see you.

      13.Q: What do you get if you cross a
      Rottweiler with a Labrador?
      A: A dog that bites you head off
      then nicks your toilet roll

      14.Q: Why do elephants have four feet?

      A: Because six inches would look
      silly.

      15.I caught our dog trying to mate
      with a cabbage the other day
      He thought it was a collie.

      16.London's first sperm bank was a
      total disaster. There were only two
      potential doners, one missed the tube,
      and the other came on the bus.

      17.Woman to Friend: "I got a lovely
      tie for my husband."
      Friend: "Wow, I wish I could make a
      swap like that"

      18.Q: What do a bank and a man have in
      common?
      A: They both loose interest after
      withdrawal.

      19.Q: What do you call a man with a
      one inch willy?
      A: Justin

      20.Q: Whats big and hairy and sticks
      out of your husbands pyjamas?
      A: Your husbands head.

      Comment


        21.Q: How many male chauvanists does
        it take to change a light bulb?
        A: None, she can cook in the dark.

        22.Woman to husband: "The doctor says
        I must have sex at least five times a
        week"
        Husband: "Well, you'd best put me
        down for two of em."

        23.Woman to Friend: "Is your husband
        circumcised?"
        Friend: "No, he's a complete dick
        head."

        24.Q: How do you know when a man has
        had an orgasm?
        A: You can hear him snoring.

        25.Bill: "I never made love to my wife
        before we got married, did you?"
        George: "I don't know, what was her
        maiden name."

        26.A couple split up when she found
        out that he was into sadism, bestiality
        and necrophillia.
        She told him he was flogging a dead
        horse.

        27.Q: What goes slurp gobble, slurp
        gobble, slurp gobble, slurp gobble,
        slurp gobble ?
        A: A turkey with an ice lolly.

        28.A young couple rode down a street
        on a tandem.
        A dog rushed out and threw a bucket
        of water over them.

        29.The hunchback of Notre Dame went
        into a bar one day and ordered a double
        whiskey.
        "Bells OK?" the barman asked.
        To which the hunchback replied:
        "Mind your own bloody business."

        30.Woman to Friend: "Was that your
        husband how let me in?"
        Friend: "You don't think I'd hire a
        butler that ugly do you?"

        Comment


          31.Husband: "Let's try a new position
          tonight darling" Wife: "Great - you
          stand and do the ironing, and I'll lie
          on the couch farting and belching."

          32.Old mother Hubbard went to the
          cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, but

          when she bent over, Rover took over
          and gave her a bone of his own.

          33.How do Welshmen find sheep in high
          grass?
          Very, very satisfying.

          34.Why do Scotsmen keep sheep near
          cliffs?
          So they push back harder.

          35.Laugh and the world laughs with
          you,
          Cry and you have to blow your nose

          36.Heaven is where the police are
          Brittish, the chefs French, the
          mechanics
          German, the lovers Italian, and it
          is all organized by the Swiss.

          37.Hell is where the police are
          German, the cooks Brittish, the
          mechanics
          French, the lovers Swiss, and it is
          all being organized by the Italian.

          38.Q. What do you call a restroom for
          the physically disabled?
          A. A handicrapper.

          39.Q: How many tech support staff does
          it take to change a lightbulb?
          A: "Well, we have an exact copy of
          your lightbulb right here, and it's
          working just fine"

          40.Seen on front of shirt: "I've been
          known to snatch kisses...."
          and on the back of shirt: "...and
          vice versa."

          Comment


            41.How many end users does it take to
            change a light bulb?
            2, 1 to completly dismantle the
            fixture and rip the wires out of the
            wall and the other to call tech support.

            42.The seven dwarves were in the bath
            and feeling happy.
            Happy got out so they started
            felling Doc instead.

            43.Q: What's the difference between a
            woman and a computer?
            A: When a woman goes down on you,
            it's foreplay. When your computer goes
            down on you, you're ****ED!

            44.Q: What's the similarity between an
            erect penis and a computer?
            A: They'll both stay up as long as
            you don't **** with them!

            45.Q: What is 6.9? A: A good thing
            interrupted by a PERIOD.

            46.Q: Why do women have legs?
            A: So they can get from the bedroom
            to the kitchen.

            47.Q: What's the difference between a
            woman's track team and a clever bunch of
            pygmies?
            A: Ones a cunning bunch of runts.

            48.Q: What 14 animals can you fit in a
            pair of pantyhose?
            A: 10 Piggies, 2 Calves, 1 Ass, and
            a Beaver (and a fish that nobody can
            find).

            49.Beware big tits. Oh, they're great
            fun now, but after twenty years and
            three kids, you'll be able to make
            balloon animals with them. "Forget sex,
            Deary..... Want me to make you a
            poodle?"

            50.Q. How can you tell if a doctor is
            gay?
            A. When he does a rectal exam, both
            his hands are on your shoulders.

            Comment


              51.Q: What's the difference between a
              gay man and a refrigerator?
              A. The refrigerator doesnt' fart
              when you take the meat out!

              52.Q: What's the difference between a
              bad hunter and a constipated owl???
              A: One shoots but can't hit!

              53.Q: Why do brides smile as they walk
              down the aisle?
              A: They know they've finally given
              their last blowjob !

              54.Two nurses in the maternity
              section: The first says,"Gee, what an
              ugly boy!"
              The second says,"Yeah, and you
              should have seen the ones we have just
              thrown into the incinerator."

              55.What do women and Kentucky Fried
              Chicken have in common?
              Once you get past the legs breast
              and thighs, all you're left with is a
              smelly box.

              56.Q: What's the diff between OJ and
              Kentucky Fried Chicken?
              A: Kentucky Fried batters their
              chicks after they kill em.

              57.Q: Know what to call the stuff that
              collects in the crotch of a woman's
              panties?
              A: Clitty litter.

              58.There are only three kinds of
              people in this world:
              Those who can count, and those who
              can't!

              59.Q: How do you tell a women's liber?

              A: That's a falacy. You can't tell
              those broads anything.

              60.Q: How can you tell a feminist?
              A: {slaming hand on desk} that's
              not funny!

              Comment


                61.Q. Why is sex with someone new like
                a snow snorm?
                A. Because you never know how deep
                it will be or how long it will last.

                62.What can a lifesaver do that a man
                can't?
                Come in five flavors.

                63.Q. Why are men like trains?
                A. They always stop before you get
                off.

                64.Q: How do you get a fat girl into a
                lift?
                A: Grease her hips, and throw in a
                bar of chocolate.

                65."What's the difference between a
                shower curtain and toilet paper?"
                "I don't know."
                "Oh, so it was you!"

                66.Q: WHY DO FARTS SMELL BAD?
                A: So deaf people can enjoy them
                too.

                67.Q: How do you make 2 pounds of fat
                attractive?
                A: Add a nipple.

                68.Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
                A: A dead epileptic!

                69.Q: Why did the veitnam Veteran
                Cross the road?
                A: You wouldn't know man you
                weren't there, you wouldn't know!

                70.Q: How many feminists does it take
                to change a light bulb?
                A: "Suck my dick!"

                Comment


                  71.Q. What's the similarity between a
                  lavatory and a cemetery ?
                  A. When you got to go, you got to
                  go.

                  72.The seven dwarves were in the bath
                  and feeling happy.
                  Happy got out so they started
                  felling Doc instead.

                  73.Q: What does a lebian call an open
                  can of tuna in her home?
                  A: Pot pourri

                  74.When a dyslexic Catholic was asked
                  about how he slept last night, he said,
                  oh, I dreamed of dog.

                  75.how do tell if you have a high
                  sperm count?
                  she has to chew before she
                  swallows.

                  76.Q: How many Canadians does it take
                  to change a light bulb?
                  A: 2

                  77.Q: What's the difference between a
                  circus and a sorority ?
                  A: Ones a cunning array of stunts.

                  78.What's the similarity between a
                  Catholic priest and a Christmas tree?
                  In both balls are ornamental

                  79.Why was the ground all white at
                  Custer's Last Stand?
                  The Indians kept coming ? coming ?
                  coming....

                  80.Why do the girls have two holes so
                  near each other?
                  - So that you can carry them like a
                  bowling ball

                  Comment


                    81.What's common between a fat girl
                    and a moped?
                    - They're both fun to ride but you
                    don't want to show them to your friends

                    82.What is the difference between
                    Wayne Gretsky and Courtney Love?
                    - Wayne Gretsky showers after 3
                    periods

                    83.How do you know when you've been
                    given a great blow job?
                    You have to pull the bed sheets out
                    of your ass

                    84.Did you hear about the impatient
                    bride?
                    She came down the aisle?

                    85.Did you hear about the sleepy
                    bride?
                    She couldn't stay awake for a
                    second?

                    86.Do you know why blondes smile when
                    there's lightning?
                    They think a photographer is taking
                    their picture.

                    87.What the difference between a group
                    of pigmys and the girl's cross country
                    track team?
                    One is a cunning bunch of runts...

                    88.She was only the minister's
                    daughter.
                    But you couldn't put anything
                    pastor.

                    89.Q: What`s the most common disease
                    in the U.S.A?
                    A: Alzheimers Bulemia (eating
                    enourmusly and forgetting to puke.)

                    90.Have you heard about the new Mike
                    Tyson computer?
                    It's very fast, has two bites and
                    no memory.

                    Comment


                      91.What has four legs and no ears?
                      Mike Tyson's dog.

                      92.Q:What did the after dinner speaker
                      say at a bulemia convention?
                      A:hey,were's everyone gone?

                      93.Q:what do u call a dyke dinasour?
                      A:alickalotapuss

                      94.Q. What's red and green and goes a
                      thousand miles an hour?
                      A. A frog in a blender.

                      95.Q. What do you get when you add
                      milk to the blender?
                      A. Frog-nog.

                      96.Q. What happends when you drink
                      Frog-nog?
                      A. You croak!

                      97.Q. Why did the faggots vote for
                      Clinton in 92?
                      A: They liked assholes, not BUSH!!

                      98.Q : What's the difference between
                      Baptists and Methodists ?
                      A : Baptists won't wave to each
                      other in the liquor store.

                      99.Why are Australians so well
                      balanced?
                      Because they've a chip on both
                      shoulders.

                      100.You know you're Schizophrenic when
                      you get two bills from a shrink.

                      Comment

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