Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

1.Q: What do women and condoms have in
common?
A: They both spend more time in
your wallet than on your dick.

2.Emoticon (smiley) of the week: (*)
- User is mooning (bending over showing
bottom)
This Symbol is most often seen on
management reports.

3.Q: Why is diarrhoea hereditory?
A: Because it runs in your jeans.

4.Q: What happens when you play a
country and western record backwards?
A: You get your man back, your dog
back and hour home back.

5.Q: WHat has 90 balls and makes a
lot of women sweat?
A: Bingo

6.There's a new rule for playing
chess.
The Bishop can jump anything he
likes.

7.Q: What's brown, smelly and sits on
a piano stool?
A: Beethoven's First Movement

8.Patient: 'Doctor, I've grown a boob
on my head. What can I do?'
Doctor: 'Well, you could paint it
black and join the police force.'

9.Three old women were sitting in the
park. A man walk past and flashed at
them.
Two of the women had a stroke, the
other couldn't reach.

10.Give a man a fish, and you feed him
for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and you get
rid of him every weekend.

[BrilloPad]

11.Patient: 'Doctor, Every time I
sneeze I have a multiple orgasm'
Doctor: 'Have you taken anything
for it.'
Patient: 'Yes, some black pepper'

12.Q: Whats the difference between a
new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still
pleased to see you.

13.Q: What do you get if you cross a
Rottweiler with a Labrador?
A: A dog that bites you head off
then nicks your toilet roll

14.Q: Why do elephants have four feet?

A: Because six inches would look
silly.

15.I caught our dog trying to mate
with a cabbage the other day
He thought it was a collie.

16.London's first sperm bank was a
total disaster. There were only two
potential doners, one missed the tube,
and the other came on the bus.

17.Woman to Friend: "I got a lovely
tie for my husband."
Friend: "Wow, I wish I could make a
swap like that"

18.Q: What do a bank and a man have in
common?
A: They both loose interest after
withdrawal.

19.Q: What do you call a man with a
one inch willy?
A: Justin

20.Q: Whats big and hairy and sticks
out of your husbands pyjamas?
A: Your husbands head.

[BrilloPad]

21.Q: How many male chauvanists does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, she can cook in the dark.

22.Woman to husband: "The doctor says
I must have sex at least five times a
week"
Husband: "Well, you'd best put me
down for two of em."

23.Woman to Friend: "Is your husband
circumcised?"
Friend: "No, he's a complete dick
head."

24.Q: How do you know when a man has
had an orgasm?
A: You can hear him snoring.

25.Bill: "I never made love to my wife
before we got married, did you?"
George: "I don't know, what was her
maiden name."

26.A couple split up when she found
out that he was into sadism, bestiality
and necrophillia.
She told him he was flogging a dead
horse.

27.Q: What goes slurp gobble, slurp
gobble, slurp gobble, slurp gobble,
slurp gobble ?
A: A turkey with an ice lolly.

28.A young couple rode down a street
on a tandem.
A dog rushed out and threw a bucket
of water over them.

29.The hunchback of Notre Dame went
into a bar one day and ordered a double
whiskey.
"Bells OK?" the barman asked.
To which the hunchback replied:
"Mind your own bloody business."

30.Woman to Friend: "Was that your
husband how let me in?"
Friend: "You don't think I'd hire a
butler that ugly do you?"

[BrilloPad]

31.Husband: "Let's try a new position
tonight darling" Wife: "Great - you
stand and do the ironing, and I'll lie
on the couch farting and belching."

32.Old mother Hubbard went to the
cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, but

when she bent over, Rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own.

33.How do Welshmen find sheep in high
grass?
Very, very satisfying.

34.Why do Scotsmen keep sheep near
cliffs?
So they push back harder.

35.Laugh and the world laughs with
you,
Cry and you have to blow your nose

36.Heaven is where the police are
Brittish, the chefs French, the
mechanics
German, the lovers Italian, and it
is all organized by the Swiss.

37.Hell is where the police are
German, the cooks Brittish, the
mechanics
French, the lovers Swiss, and it is
all being organized by the Italian.

38.Q. What do you call a restroom for
the physically disabled?
A. A handicrapper.

39.Q: How many tech support staff does
it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "Well, we have an exact copy of
your lightbulb right here, and it's
working just fine"

40.Seen on front of shirt: "I've been
known to snatch kisses...."
and on the back of shirt: "...and
vice versa."

[BrilloPad]

41.How many end users does it take to
change a light bulb?
2, 1 to completly dismantle the
fixture and rip the wires out of the
wall and the other to call tech support.

42.The seven dwarves were in the bath
and feeling happy.
Happy got out so they started
felling Doc instead.

43.Q: What's the difference between a
woman and a computer?
A: When a woman goes down on you,
it's foreplay. When your computer goes
down on you, you're ****ED!

44.Q: What's the similarity between an
erect penis and a computer?
A: They'll both stay up as long as
you don't **** with them!

45.Q: What is 6.9? A: A good thing
interrupted by a PERIOD.

46.Q: Why do women have legs?
A: So they can get from the bedroom
to the kitchen.

47.Q: What's the difference between a
woman's track team and a clever bunch of
pygmies?
A: Ones a cunning bunch of runts.

48.Q: What 14 animals can you fit in a
pair of pantyhose?
A: 10 Piggies, 2 Calves, 1 Ass, and
a Beaver (and a fish that nobody can
find).

49.Beware big tits. Oh, they're great
fun now, but after twenty years and
three kids, you'll be able to make
balloon animals with them. "Forget sex,
Deary..... Want me to make you a
poodle?"

50.Q. How can you tell if a doctor is
gay?
A. When he does a rectal exam, both
his hands are on your shoulders.

[BrilloPad]

51.Q: What's the difference between a
gay man and a refrigerator?
A. The refrigerator doesnt' fart
when you take the meat out!

52.Q: What's the difference between a
bad hunter and a constipated owl???
A: One shoots but can't hit!

53.Q: Why do brides smile as they walk
down the aisle?
A: They know they've finally given
their last blowjob !

54.Two nurses in the maternity
section: The first says,"Gee, what an
ugly boy!"
The second says,"Yeah, and you
should have seen the ones we have just
thrown into the incinerator."

55.What do women and Kentucky Fried
Chicken have in common?
Once you get past the legs breast
and thighs, all you're left with is a
smelly box.

56.Q: What's the diff between OJ and
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: Kentucky Fried batters their
chicks after they kill em.

57.Q: Know what to call the stuff that
collects in the crotch of a woman's
panties?
A: Clitty litter.

58.There are only three kinds of
people in this world:
Those who can count, and those who
can't!

59.Q: How do you tell a women's liber?

A: That's a falacy. You can't tell
those broads anything.

60.Q: How can you tell a feminist?
A: {slaming hand on desk} that's
not funny!

[BrilloPad]

61.Q. Why is sex with someone new like
a snow snorm?
A. Because you never know how deep
it will be or how long it will last.

62.What can a lifesaver do that a man
can't?
Come in five flavors.

63.Q. Why are men like trains?
A. They always stop before you get
off.

64.Q: How do you get a fat girl into a
lift?
A: Grease her hips, and throw in a
bar of chocolate.

65."What's the difference between a
shower curtain and toilet paper?"
"I don't know."
"Oh, so it was you!"

66.Q: WHY DO FARTS SMELL BAD?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them
too.

67.Q: How do you make 2 pounds of fat
attractive?
A: Add a nipple.

68.Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic!

69.Q: Why did the veitnam Veteran
Cross the road?
A: You wouldn't know man you
weren't there, you wouldn't know!

70.Q: How many feminists does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: "Suck my dick!"

[BrilloPad]

71.Q. What's the similarity between a
lavatory and a cemetery ?
A. When you got to go, you got to
go.

72.The seven dwarves were in the bath
and feeling happy.
Happy got out so they started
felling Doc instead.

73.Q: What does a lebian call an open
can of tuna in her home?
A: Pot pourri

74.When a dyslexic Catholic was asked
about how he slept last night, he said,
oh, I dreamed of dog.

75.how do tell if you have a high
sperm count?
she has to chew before she
swallows.

76.Q: How many Canadians does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: 2

77.Q: What's the difference between a
circus and a sorority ?
A: Ones a cunning array of stunts.

78.What's the similarity between a
Catholic priest and a Christmas tree?
In both balls are ornamental

79.Why was the ground all white at
Custer's Last Stand?
The Indians kept coming ? coming ?
coming....

80.Why do the girls have two holes so
near each other?
- So that you can carry them like a
bowling ball

[BrilloPad]

81.What's common between a fat girl
and a moped?
- They're both fun to ride but you
don't want to show them to your friends

82.What is the difference between
Wayne Gretsky and Courtney Love?
- Wayne Gretsky showers after 3
periods

83.How do you know when you've been
given a great blow job?
You have to pull the bed sheets out
of your ass

84.Did you hear about the impatient
bride?
She came down the aisle?

85.Did you hear about the sleepy
bride?
She couldn't stay awake for a
second?

86.Do you know why blondes smile when
there's lightning?
They think a photographer is taking
their picture.

87.What the difference between a group
of pigmys and the girl's cross country
track team?
One is a cunning bunch of runts...

88.She was only the minister's
daughter.
But you couldn't put anything
pastor.

89.Q: What`s the most common disease
in the U.S.A?
A: Alzheimers Bulemia (eating
enourmusly and forgetting to puke.)

90.Have you heard about the new Mike
Tyson computer?
It's very fast, has two bites and
no memory.

[BrilloPad]

91.What has four legs and no ears?
Mike Tyson's dog.

92.Q:What did the after dinner speaker
say at a bulemia convention?
A:hey,were's everyone gone?

93.Q:what do u call a dyke dinasour?
A:alickalotapuss

94.Q. What's red and green and goes a
thousand miles an hour?
A. A frog in a blender.

95.Q. What do you get when you add
milk to the blender?
A. Frog-nog.

96.Q. What happends when you drink
Frog-nog?
A. You croak!

97.Q. Why did the faggots vote for
Clinton in 92?
A: They liked assholes, not BUSH!!

98.Q : What's the difference between
Baptists and Methodists ?
A : Baptists won't wave to each
other in the liquor store.

99.Why are Australians so well
balanced?
Because they've a chip on both
shoulders.

100.You know you're Schizophrenic when
you get two bills from a shrink.