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Please put more jokes here

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    NASA: First person on Mars could be a woman.


    So when the men arrive, dinner will be ready.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      A mate called and said, "I've just had a huge fight with the wife. Do you have a spare bed for a few weeks until I find a flat?"


      I replied, "I've a sofa, if that's any good."


      "Perfect," he said, "you're an absolute legend! I'll send her round in a bit."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        As a newly qualified vet, I’m now permitted to treat animals.




        Tonight, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I can’t believe it’s rioting season already.

          I still have my Covid decorations up.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born"


            Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed.
            Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day.
            After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant.
            Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a condom"
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I've found that vegan meals require a blender.


              It makes them easy to pour down the sink.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                a veritable torrent of crap jokes.
                get a lucky bag or summat?

                Comment


                  Does anyone know if they have early morning looting hours for seniors?
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    When I was a young lad, my body was a temple.


                    A lot of priests entered it.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by BR14 View Post
                      a veritable torrent of crap jokes.
                      get a lucky bag or summat?
                      I think the job lot coincides with release of the reader's digest
                      Doing a stroll around Windsor on 11 Sept 2 Oct for Alzheimer's Society. You can chuck me a few quid here if you like: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lmallen-1

                      Comment

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