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Please put more jokes here

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    I bought a car off Bonnie Tyler last year.

    It generally runs OK, but every now and then it falls apart.
    I did a stroll around Windsor on 2 Oct for Alzheimer's Society. You can chuck me a few quid here if you like: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lmallen-1

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      My mate just told me sixty jokes in an hour.

      He's a laugh a minute.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My girlfriend said to me when I picked her up from work today. "When was the last time you had sex with someone that wasn't me?"
        I said, "Before we met."
        She smiled. "Aw really? That's so sweet."

        "Yes," I replied, "About 20 minutes ago."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I told my suitcases that there would be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

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            Done, but was in Funny Picture thread so I won't say KUATB.
            bloggoth

            If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
            John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

            Comment


              I think the whole "diversity" thing has gone too far.
              I've just had an unsolicited e-mail saying "Black transvestites in your area want to have gay sex with you."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A student has discovered a toothless Dinosaur in Australia.

                A Spokesperson said.."We have advised Mr Corbyn to return home as soon as possible."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  The Iceman cometh.
                  He totally ignored my 'No Cold Callers' sign.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My mother has taken up rambling

                    She has got dementia and does it all day long
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My wife said I was really bad at innuendos, so I gave her two.
                      {emotionless greeting}

                      Three Word Slogan

                      Comment

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