Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

My wife has a Rishi Sunak countdown calendar beside the bed and told me it's 18 days.
I've also noticed that what had turned into an allotment is now being tidied up into a lady garden again.

She's told me I have to do my bit and help out.

[LondonManc]

What have Prince Andrew and Manchester City got in common?
I don't know either but he hopes it's the same lawyer!

[vetran]

What type of drug can you take if you have an allergic reaction to Rowan Atkinson?



Anti-MisterBeans

[vetran]

If a fire alarm business can go up in smoke,

and a plumbers business can go down the drain,

can a hooker get laid off?

[vetran]

For AtW

My Turkish kebab shop got closed down when Environmental Health found a mouse.


Apparently I'd claimed it as "rat" on my ingredients list.

[vetran]

Gary Glitter, Rolf Harris and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar.


The barman says, 'Sorry, I can't serve you, you're under age.'


They reply, 'What? But we're pensioners!'


'Yes, but you're only as old as the women you feel.'

[vetran]

Dyslexic lives mattress

[vetran]

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic

[vetran]

After months of lockdown, it was great to finally visit a second household and stay over. Unfortunately I was woken up by the Police at two in the morning.
Apparently it has to be people you know.

[LondonManc]

I was struggling with a clogged throat earlier. Coughed really hard and two wooden shoes fell out.