Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I have an empty school hall for sale.


Assembly required.

[vetran]

I was being interviewed by the Police after being stabbed several times, the officer said:


“Can you remember anything specific about the incident?”


I said, “yes, while it was happening, all I could hear was Space Oddity.”


The officer said, “ah, so we’re looking for an assailant using a Bowie knife.”

[vetran]

My next door neighbour knocked my door last night, wearing lingerie and stockings and asking to borrow a cup of sugar and if I wanted to come over for a night cap


I said "Piss off Steve I've got work in the morning".

[vetran]

Most of the attractive, single women I meet are divorced.







From reality.

[vetran]

That's great news James Hewitt is going to be a grandfather again.

[vetran]

Why are the Chinese no good at Cricket?





Because they eat all their bats!

[xoggoth]

I said, “yes, while it was happening, all I could hear was Space Oddity.”

Oh, for all these years I wrongly thought it was Space Odyssey.

[vetran]

I'm not trying to show off or anything, but I've already got a date for New Year's Eve.









It's December 31st

[vetran]

for G-Jabs

I was talking to a fat bird. She said "A lot of guys find plus-size women attractive, what about you?





I said "As a matter of fact yes, lots of guys find me attractive too."

[vetran]

Bored during lockdown????
Call a women’s group and ask to speak to the man in charge.....