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Please put more jokes here

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    I have an empty school hall for sale.


    Assembly required.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I was being interviewed by the Police after being stabbed several times, the officer said:


      “Can you remember anything specific about the incident?”


      I said, “yes, while it was happening, all I could hear was Space Oddity.”


      The officer said, “ah, so we’re looking for an assailant using a Bowie knife.”
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My next door neighbour knocked my door last night, wearing lingerie and stockings and asking to borrow a cup of sugar and if I wanted to come over for a night cap


        I said "Piss off Steve I've got work in the morning".
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Most of the attractive, single women I meet are divorced.







          From reality.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            That's great news James Hewitt is going to be a grandfather again.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Why are the Chinese no good at Cricket?





              Because they eat all their bats!
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I said, “yes, while it was happening, all I could hear was Space Oddity.”
                Oh, for all these years I wrongly thought it was Space Odyssey.
                bloggoth

                If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
                John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

                Comment


                  I'm not trying to show off or anything, but I've already got a date for New Year's Eve.









                  It's December 31st
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    for G-Jabs

                    I was talking to a fat bird. She said "A lot of guys find plus-size women attractive, what about you?





                    I said "As a matter of fact yes, lots of guys find me attractive too."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Bored during lockdown????
                      Call a women’s group and ask to speak to the man in charge.....
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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