Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Since they call Australia "The Land Down Under"


Shouldn't they call Scotland "The Land Hung Over?"

[vetran]

True Story.
I just got a message from my doctor's surgery telling me to contact them to make an appointment for a Covid jab.
When I called them they said I'll need to go to Lords Cricket Ground next Wednesday at 10:00.
I said "How's that".......
Miserable bunch, no sense of humour.

[vetran]

Whoever said there's no I in team has clearly never worked with a Dyslexic.

[Paddy]

I volunteered to help in the local hospital. They asked me to take samples from patients to the urology department. Is that taking the piss?

[vetran]

Tonight we’re having Himalayan rabbit stew for supper... I found Himalayan on the road!

[vetran]

I was working my first day as an office boy at the BBC HQ. The office manager brought me over to a filing cabinet and said: "Please arrange our files in alphabetical order."
I took one out and asked: "This one is Jimmy Saville's. Do I file it under "J" or "S"?
The manager replied: "P. That's the pedo file".

[vetran]

My wife left me last week, she said she was going to get some milk and never came back.
My mum called and asked me how I was coping?
"Not bad" I said, "I've been using that powdered stuff"

[vetran]

There's just no need for women to behave the way they do when there on the blob..






Total ovary action

[vetran]

Gary Glitter has been given the covid vaccine in prison


He has had a prick in him for a change

[vetran]

NASA have landed a Rover on Mars after a 300million mile voyage.


Blimey, the one I drove in the 90s barely used to make it to Sainsbury's.