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Please put more jokes here

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    The wife suggested if I was bored during lockdown, to make a bird table.

    Now she's kicking off because I've only put her in fifth place..
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I've just been evicted.

      Unlike Tiger Woods, I need a place to crash.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Lockdown has been tough for many parents, with their children off school and running riot around the house.

        My son's been no trouble at all though - he's been glued to the TV night and day.

        No More Nails is such a great invention.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          MF

          The only thing bigger than a DFS sale.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I have worked for Madame Tussauds for 40 years, and When I retire in 10 years time, I have been promised a miniature bust of me to commemorate my loyal service to the company, but here I go again getting a little head of myself.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Latest news on Tiger Woods, is that he's resting in bed and sedated for precautionary purposes..

              Presumably, to stop him trying to shag two of his nurses.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Tiger into the rough
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Sheriff said regarding the Tiger Woods crash that there was "no skidmarks".

                  Have they checked inside his underwear?
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Tiger Woods owns a lot of expensive cars.

                    Now he has a hole in one.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I was a bit like Jesus last Christmas.

                      I told my colleague at the X-Mas party that I had been banging his wife, and I got Frank incensed.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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