Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The US isn't the only country with a leader who can't control his bodily functions.

After being threatened by Biden and Boris, Putin has pissed himself laughing.

[vetran]

I went to a wife-swapping party last night.

It was great. I got a lawnmower and a crate of beer for mine.

[vetran]

A guy was driving down a country lane and he ran over a cockerel and he was very upset. He went to the farmhouse and knocked on the door and a woman opened it and he said: 'I appear to have killed your cockerel. I'd like to replace him.'

And she said: 'Please yourself, the hens are round the back.

Nod to Barry Cryer

[WTFH]

A woman walks past a petshop and sees a magnificent parrot in the window.

She rushes inside and says, 'How much for the parrot?'

'£5,' says the shopkeeper.

'Only £5? I've got to have it,' says the woman. 'Why's it so cheap?'

'Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,' said the shopkeeper. 'And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.'

'Never mind,' says the woman. 'At that price, I'll take it.'

So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.

'New place - very nice,' says the parrot.

Then the woman's two daughters walk in.

'New place, new girls - very nice,' says the parrot.

Then the woman's husband walks in, and the parrot says, 'Oh hello, Keith!'

[WTFH]

This bus breaks down.
Driver says to the conductress, “I’ll fix this, love.”
He’s got his head under the bonnet.
Ten minutes go by.
Passengers getting restless.
Conductress goes down and says, “Do you want a screwdriver?”
He replies “no, we’re 10 minutes late already”

[vetran]

In a country with a long history like England, what with Romans, Vikings, knights, battles, civil wars and so on, who knows what lies buried in the ground?

Which is why I`m an enthusiastic treasure hunter. Every weekend off I go with my metal detector, spade and other equipment to see what I might find.

And this morning in a field, my spade hit something. I started to uncover a half-rotten chest!

Well, I suppose I was quite close to Fred West`s house.

[WTFH]

Right, I've muster up all my will-power, and it's time to give the "Dry January" thing a go.

Wish me luck!

[ladymuck]

Right, I've muster up all my will-power, and it's time to give the "Dry January" thing a go.

Wish me luck!

Cor you're brave!

#prayforWTFH

[vetran]

Simon Cowell was reportedly rushed to hospital following another e-bike crash.

You could say he's in a vicious cycle...

[vetran]

Why are women so obsessed with clothes when all men care about is what they look like naked … ???