Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

For Suity:

My first job was as a door 2 door salesmen selling doors.

It didn't go very well. Ding Dong "Hi can I interest you in, oh you've already got one."

[vetran]

I was in the pub yesterday when I was approached by a 22 stone gender surgery patient who wanted to go on a date.


I passed as my doctor has advised me to avoid trans-fats

[vetran]

BREAKING NEWS:
Malaysian doctor says he's created the world's first unisex condom that can be attached to a penis or vagina.
Not for me.
I wouldn't know whether I was coming or going.

[vetran]

A man walked into a pub. Barman asks " what can i get you sir ?"
Man says " I may get a pint, you know, a lager, cider or bitter
but then again I may get a short, you know, a whisky, vodka or rum,
but then again I may get a cocktail, you know, a pina colada, bloody mary or a screwdriver.

This conversation goes on a while.
Barman says "It's getting busy sir have you come to a decision ?" Yes, says man.

I'll bave a champagne and orange juice"
So a bucks fizz then. I thought i was going to be stood here all night waiting while you were MAKING YOUR MIND UP

[vetran]

I always pay for things using tactless.

Do you mean contactless?

No I pay cash and tell them they're ugly.

[vetran]

ah an explanation for Warty's Girlfriend:

A friend told me every since they caught Covid they've completely lost their sense of taste, and now they'll sleep with anybody.

[vetran]

Vote winner!
The case for Scottish Independence:


The English will never have to listen to bagpipes again

[vetran]

When you see 9 grim reapers walking down a street, there's either a Halloween party happening, or a cat is about to have a bad day.

[vetran]

I've put my name down to join the local Feminists Society.

Hopefully once they see what an informed and enlightened kind of guy I am, I'll get to pump a few of them.

[vetran]

For Brillo and the Prawn

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.


And "I do" is the longest sentence?