• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    '...Is it okay that I start drinking as soon as the kids are at school.
    Or does that make me a bad teacher?'
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I tried keeping a bucket next to the bed because I always need a piss in the night.

      My wife won't allow it though, she says it goes beyond the pail.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The Beach Boys walk into a bar...
        "Round?"
        "Round?"
        "Get a round"
        "I get a round?"
        "Get a round...."

        "push off, " said the bababa bababarman.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Spider-Man, for those of you who haven’t seen it, here is a brief plot summary.

          A teenage boy gets bitten by a spider.
          When awakens next day he realise his body has undergone several changes.
          His body strength has increased significantly, particularly his arms which allow him to grip any surface.

          Also, he can now shoot white smelly sticky stuff out of his body.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Have you noticed whenever a kid gets shot in a drive by, he is reported in the press as being a "promising footballer".

            So can gangland killers do Southgate a favour and ask what position they play in first?

            We have a shortage decent keepers but loads of quality right backs.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              What do you call one of our ancestors who wavers home drunk?

              Meanderthal
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                After 2 days in Middlesbrough, the Romanian national team has been spotted crammed into a dinghy, trying to get to Syria.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Word of the Day: 'Exhaustipated' (adj.): Too tired to give a tulip.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My new neighbour told me that he was a welder however I have since discovered he is in fact a fabricator welder.

                    The lying barsteward!
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      On the motorway If the variable speed limit says 50 miles an hour through roadworks and you are stationary for an hour when the road clears can you then floor it and do say 150 miles per hour + as your average speed would be still 0?

                      Asking for an Audi driving friend.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X