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Please put more jokes here

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    The new royal baby has been named Jamie Hewitt Mountbatten-Windsor in honour of her grandfather.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Earlier this week I climbed Mount Everest in 48 hours.


      I got back home and have spent 72 hours undoing the top of the Listerene Mouthwash bottle....
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

        One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My dad always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it

          Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            The Head Chef always goes off on one when my batter isn't light enough.

            He has a proper tempura tantrum.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I can't wait until the year 8008 so we can all write BOOB without getting into trouble.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I was trying to put a new bag in my bin but it just kept saying "no, no, no" it was a refuse sack.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Dave: "My Dad says You're spying on us...!"

                  Zuckerberg: "He's not your dad"
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food...

                    ...crabs can be so shellfish right?
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      The Russian army orders 100K rubbers from a US company, specifying 12" fit needed.

                      The US firm fills the order with packaging marked "MEDIUM."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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