• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    You gotta love the great British public.
    UK Government: we have introduced a temporary furlough scheme to support jobs during the pandemic.

    **Furlough ends**

    British Public: You can’t end furlough, we need it!

    UK Government: We are giving universal credit claimants a temporary £20 a week uplift; this is when it will end on 06/10/2021.

    **Credit uplift ends**

    British Public: You heartless Tory Bastards!

    UK Government: There is no fuel shortage
    British Public: I better go fill up my car and 5 jerry cans!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Just tried installing the latest version of "The Road Haulage Association" game on my pc.

      But it keeps saying it can't find any drivers
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I say, I say, I say, my dog's got no nose!.

        How does he smell?.

        He can't, he's got long covid.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My dog has started chasing after people on a bike.

          I don't know where he got it from or how he learnt to ride it.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I stole my mates colostomy bag once for a joke.

            He didn’t see the funny side.

            He started loosing his tulip.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              The funeral of Status Quo bassist Alan Lancaster will be a pretty somber affair.

              Although the wake will be brilliant,, they're having twelve bars.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                There's a poster outside my local Asda that says, 'UK Baby Retailer of the Year'.

                They never seem to have any out on the shelves.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Buy Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and get a free cut-out HGV Licence
                  T&Cs Apply
                  Valid for the UK only
                  Must be have moped delivery experience.

                  "A people that elect corrupt politicians, imposters, thieves and traitors are not victims, but accomplices," George Orwell

                  Comment


                    I said to the barman, 'My wife was killed by a spider.'

                    He said, 'Bloody hell, that's unusual! What kind was it, tarantula or Black Widow?'

                    I replied, 'Nah, Alfa Romeo.'
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Were you in the Gulf wars, grandad?.

                      No. But I was in the Shell scrap during the tanker driver shortage.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X