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Please put more jokes here

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    R Kelly has been put in a prison with a closed in roof amid fears that he could escape.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I strolled past a queue of cars with my petrol lawnmower to fill it up and was accused of cutting in line.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Is working from over yet... Click image for larger version

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          Andy McNabb has a new book about recycling.

          Bravo Two Carbon Zero
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I queued for petrol last night, and when I got to the pump, I became very emotional and started to fill up.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I agree with Keir Starmer that female genitalia doesn't only relate to women.

              For example, he is a man, and he is a c**t.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I came into some money and bought a petrol tanker and drove it to the petrol station. The massive queues of drivers were so friendly and let me go to the front of the queue.

                Such a shame there was no petrol left after Id finished filling it up.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  If my wife gave me £1 every time she said she was cold, I could pay the gas bill.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    The political situation in this country is dire, incompetent government, opposition missing in action. There have been several polls lately to determine the public attitude to the government.
                    Gallup (not the weed killer) summarised them all with the following statement.

                    Voters tell Tories 'you are utter tulipe, next time we're voting for....err.....um....oh tulip !'
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      For MF

                      During the summer, I'm a flip flop man.

                      Well, that's the sound my moobs make as I walk.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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