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    I can't believe these Paralympians are disabled.

    They get Government disability payments, Lottery grants and blue badges for parking, among other things.

    I just watched one “disabled” guy run 100 meters in 10 seconds. Another jumped over a bar 5 meters high.

    Meanwhile, I can't touch my toes...
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Afghan refugees to be housed in Pontins on arrival in UK

      As if they haven't suffered enough
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I've just finished walking from Land's End to John O'Groats.

        It was either that or fly with Ryanair.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts13 bees out onto the counter.

          "That's one too many!" says the customer. The clerk replies, "It's a freebie."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Originally posted by vetran View Post
            Panto

            Why does a stork stand with one leg off the ground?

            Because if it tried standing with both legs off the ground, it would fall over.
            What do you call a three legged horse? Unstable.
            Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

            Comment


              Ive just deep cleaned my flat so thoroughly that you could literally eat your dinner off one of the plates in my kitchen.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                As I waited for my wife to give birth the doctor approached me,

                "Well Mr Jones, I have some good news, and some not so good news which would you like first?"

                "Oh dear I'd better take the good news first. " I said.

                "OK, " said the doc, "your child could grow up to be a great Paralympian. "
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I went to a restaurant last night with the wife and some friends. Didn't have a booking but they said they could seat us but we'd have to wait a bit. We were sat at the bar having a drink and I checked my watch and we'd been waiting over 45 minutes.

                  I then saw this group of Native Indians walk in and get seated straight away.

                  I walked over to the front of house staff. "excuse me but we've been waiting nearly an hour for a table and those Native Indians were given one straight away". "Apologies sir but the Native Indians have reservations".
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My son looks just like me.

                    Doctors say there’s nothing they can do.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I bought a chest freezer.

                      It's handy for other body parts too.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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