Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I can't believe these Paralympians are disabled.

They get Government disability payments, Lottery grants and blue badges for parking, among other things.

I just watched one “disabled” guy run 100 meters in 10 seconds. Another jumped over a bar 5 meters high.

Meanwhile, I can't touch my toes...

[vetran]

Afghan refugees to be housed in Pontins on arrival in UK

As if they haven't suffered enough

[vetran]

I've just finished walking from Land's End to John O'Groats.

It was either that or fly with Ryanair.

[vetran]

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts13 bees out onto the counter.

"That's one too many!" says the customer. The clerk replies, "It's a freebie."

[NotAllThere]

Panto

Why does a stork stand with one leg off the ground?

Because if it tried standing with both legs off the ground, it would fall over.

What do you call a three legged horse? Unstable.

[vetran]

Ive just deep cleaned my flat so thoroughly that you could literally eat your dinner off one of the plates in my kitchen.

[vetran]

As I waited for my wife to give birth the doctor approached me,

"Well Mr Jones, I have some good news, and some not so good news which would you like first?"

"Oh dear I'd better take the good news first. " I said.

"OK, " said the doc, "your child could grow up to be a great Paralympian. "

[vetran]

I went to a restaurant last night with the wife and some friends. Didn't have a booking but they said they could seat us but we'd have to wait a bit. We were sat at the bar having a drink and I checked my watch and we'd been waiting over 45 minutes.

I then saw this group of Native Indians walk in and get seated straight away.

I walked over to the front of house staff. "excuse me but we've been waiting nearly an hour for a table and those Native Indians were given one straight away". "Apologies sir but the Native Indians have reservations".

[vetran]

My son looks just like me.

Doctors say there’s nothing they can do.

[vetran]

I bought a chest freezer.

It's handy for other body parts too.