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Please put more jokes here

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    I can't believe these Paralympians are disabled.

    They get Government disability payments, Lottery grants and blue badges for parking, among other things.

    I just watched one “disabled” guy run 100 meters in 10 seconds. Another jumped over a bar 5 meters high.

    Meanwhile, I can't touch my toes...
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      Afghan refugees to be housed in Pontins on arrival in UK

      As if they haven't suffered enough
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I've just finished walking from Land's End to John O'Groats.

        It was either that or fly with Ryanair.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts13 bees out onto the counter.

          "That's one too many!" says the customer. The clerk replies, "It's a freebie."
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Originally posted by vetran View Post
            Panto

            Why does a stork stand with one leg off the ground?

            Because if it tried standing with both legs off the ground, it would fall over.
            What do you call a three legged horse? Unstable.
            Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

            Comment


              Ive just deep cleaned my flat so thoroughly that you could literally eat your dinner off one of the plates in my kitchen.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                As I waited for my wife to give birth the doctor approached me,

                "Well Mr Jones, I have some good news, and some not so good news which would you like first?"

                "Oh dear I'd better take the good news first. " I said.

                "OK, " said the doc, "your child could grow up to be a great Paralympian. "
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I went to a restaurant last night with the wife and some friends. Didn't have a booking but they said they could seat us but we'd have to wait a bit. We were sat at the bar having a drink and I checked my watch and we'd been waiting over 45 minutes.

                  I then saw this group of Native Indians walk in and get seated straight away.

                  I walked over to the front of house staff. "excuse me but we've been waiting nearly an hour for a table and those Native Indians were given one straight away". "Apologies sir but the Native Indians have reservations".
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    My son looks just like me.

                    Doctors say there’s nothing they can do.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      I bought a chest freezer.

                      It's handy for other body parts too.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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