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    Nick is a smooth talker

    I knocked at my date's door today and her father answered.
    He said, "My daughter tells me that you're taking her for a meal and then the cinema."
    "Yes, I'm taking her to the Chinese down the road," I replied.
    "And what are you hoping to see afterwards?" he asked.

    I said, "Her tits."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      What do you call a Dutchman with a First Class degree?

      A clever clogs
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Piers Morgan is the kind of guy you’d want to grab a beer with after receiving a terminal diagnosis—



        so you’d feel better about dying...
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Trump:

          - Evacuate civilians
          - Dispose of all the weapons
          - Bring back the army

          Biden:

          Let's do all of that in reverse.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

            All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

            So i said " might be 32C " ..
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'shirt that she normally slept in.
              As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "you've got to make love to me this very moment"
              My eyes lit up as I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day"
              Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
              Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
              Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "what was that about"
              She explained "The egg timer's broken"
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                Originally posted by WTFH View Post
                She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'shirt that she normally slept in.
                As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "you've got to make love to me this very moment"
                My eyes lit up as I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day"
                Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
                Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
                Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "what was that about"
                She explained "The egg timer's broken"
                oh she likes very soft boiled eggs then?
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by WTFH View Post
                  She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'shirt that she normally slept in.
                  As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "you've got to make love to me this very moment"
                  My eyes lit up as I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day"
                  Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
                  Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
                  Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "what was that about"
                  She explained "The egg timer's broken"
                  Risking salmonella there, isn't she?
                  Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                  Comment


                    Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

                    Optimist: The glass is half full.

                    Opportunist: Drinks both glasses while the other two are arguing about it.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      As a teacher, the best thing about doing online lessons is you don't have to worry about the students smelling alcohol on your breath.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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