The level of pollution in the world today is becoming unbearable. I feel ashamed to be human. Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar. -
My sex life is like a Ferrari.
I don’t have a Ferrari."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I heard on the radio today that the average person only recycles 3 bottles of wine per year! How dare you? Every week I recycle dozens of wine bottles and beer cans. Come on people!!! I can’t fix global warming by myself."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
Really hate my nine to five job.
Starting work at 4:51 is ridiculous"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
{emotionless greeting}
Three Word SloganComment
-
I saved my mistress’ phone number as ‘LOW BATTERY’ and set it to not ring.
Whenever she calls and I’m not around, the missus takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I really can't understand my wife. She said to me, "Fine - have a tattoo".
Then she complains about the marching band in the front gardenComment
-
Comment
-
I wish a prison informant would foil a plot to kill nearly ten people. Just to see the headline , A snitch doing time saves nine."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
Katie Hopkins, 45, has been permanently banned by Twitter for breaching its rules on abuse and hateful conduct.
I'm genuinely stunned.
Looking at her face, I thought she was 65."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- IR35: With secondary factors as his props, Stuart Barnes got over the line with 'in-business' Today 10:25
- Contractors' Questions: Is an HMRC list some 15 years too late a remedy to Disguised Remuneration? Today 09:37
- What Big Tech layoffs mean for the UK's IT contractors Yesterday 09:16
- Missed yesterday's tax deadline? Contractors, you should act now Yesterday 08:05
- How much does the HMRC Loan Charge cost contractors, in tax terms? Jan 31 09:17
- HMRC adds three AML schemes to its tax avoidance blacklist Jan 31 09:06
- Chancellor Jeremy Hunt's new growth plan leaves IT contractors flat, or in disbelief Jan 30 09:56
- How does IR35 insurance for contractors work, in practice? Jan 27 18:49
- Already know you'll miss Tuesday's tax deadline? Proceed at your peril Jan 26 09:50
- Can I expense via my limited company a Smartwatch bought for me at Christmas? Jan 26 09:47
Comment