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Please put more jokes here

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    I took the wife to a fairtrade market and a got an authentic coffee mug for her.


    She'd have loved it.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Boris is to reintroduce the rule of six at the end of March. That gives me five weeks to find five friends
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I said to the missus, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."
        She said, "It's natural."
        "Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          The mrs went to see her doctor and he asked her what's the problem? "I have a two green marks on the inside of my thighs"
          The doctor examined her and said. "Does your husband have pierced ears?"
          She said "Yes, why?"
          He said, "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            “Power is not given to you, you have to take it” - Beyoncé

            That's all very well you silly cow, but now the family of chavs next door is tapping into my electricity supply.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              A space ship once landed behind my house and there was an alien inside that was shaking and jabbing himself with a hypodermic needle.

              He said, "Take me to your dealer."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                “Alexa, why do I do so terribly with women?”

                “My name is Siri.”
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  My daughter has told me she's about to adopt a puppy and I asked her if she's thought at all about her plan for how it's going to get fed and taken care of, etc....

                  "Of course," she replied, "I'm going to do all the work for three days, and then lose interest and dump all the responsibility on to you."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Huge panic in Liverpool this evening. Scousers thought Boris said that, by July, every adult will be offered a job.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      A gorgeous, big-titted blonde hopped in the back of my taxi.

                      "Where to love?" I enquired.

                      "How about your place." she purred.

                      "Okay," I replied, "that'll be about £23 though, it's quite far."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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