Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

What did Speedy Gonzalez say whilst fitting his carpet?

"Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

[vetran]

Experience what 10 years of marriage feels like by telling a deaf person about your day as they scroll through facebook on their phone.

[vetran]

Wayne Rooney goes into an antiques shop & says, "Good morning, I'd like to buy a clock. That looks nice, how much is that?"

The chap says, "Ah you want my finest grandmother? £250".

Wayne replies, "Yes I'll have her as well. But how much is the clock?"

[vetran]

I’m not sure the right response to Sarah Everard’s murder is to have more plain clothed police roaming around.

[vetran]

Missing your teenage son now he's flown flown the coup?

Get a cat, that too will ignore you, smash things and bring birds home in various states at all times of the day and night.

[vetran]

So it turns out that pre-lockdown my missus used to pay a guy to touch her up...

...now I find out she has black roots!

[vetran]

I was talking to the wife all about permanent mechanical fasteners. She was riveted

[vetran]

I first met my wife at a fancy dress party where I was dressed up as a ghost.

I decided to woo her.

[vetran]

What do you get if you cross a fashion designer and an IED?

Georgio One-armey

[vetran]

Uber says fares will not rise as it provides minimum wage to its drivers.

It doesn't affect me anyway, I get around on a flying pig.