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Please put more jokes here

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    I was begging my wife just for once to try anal.


    "That's only for invited guests," she replied. "You'll have to use the cervix entrance."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      As soon as I came in from work today my wife threw her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I'm so glad you're home, my panties have been wet waiting for you all day."
      "Oh, ****," I replied. "don't tell me the tumble drier has broken down again."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Pessimists die two years earlier than the average person.


        I was hoping it would be more than that.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          The wife's just rung me, said she's filled the car up with petrol - as I asked.


          Wants to know how to get back in without it gushing out as she opens the door.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Do you think that The Flat Earth Society is sick of two-meter social distancing?...


            It must have pushed a few of them over the edge.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Eat out to help out
              Went do Starbucks for a slice of cake earlier and got it half price
              27.50
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                My 13 year old son said to me, "Dad, with all this conflicting information on social media, in the news and in the papers I'm getting really confused. I understand that some opinions are more valid than others but, with all the noise, all the time, how do you know what to believe, what to think?"
                "That's easy, Son," I replied. "Your mother tells me."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  So,I was in the bathroom knocking one out into a padded mail bag, when the Wife said " you've been in there ages what are you doing?"


                  "Don't worry, love I'm coming in a Jiffy," I replied.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Cheer up everyone.
                    You’re all nearer to being a millionaire than either Elon Musk or Bill Gates.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      "What's the time?"


                      "It's a philosophical construct which Humankind has applied to the universe in order to explain the relationship between cause and effect."


                      "For goodness sake, Brian. If I had know it was going to be like this I'd never have agreed to become Mrs Cox."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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