• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

    The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

    She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

    Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

    He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

    Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

    Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.
    "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

    The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

    He lost 33 kilos that week
    Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
    I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

    I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

    Comment


      Originally posted by BR14 View Post
      my high street's cool, - it's got specsavers next to boots, and then greggs.
      Specs and Drugs and Sausage Rolls!
      Fram Rachel Burns on Twitter - I shared it with NickFitz, thought it would appeal to him
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

      Comment


        Cigarettes and Alcohol have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous and destroy lives.
        And yet women are allowed to just roam about freely!!
        “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

        Comment


          I was standing outside currys today with my mate looking at Lcd televisions, when a bloke with an eye patch punched me and called me a piss taking bastard.

          All I said was "there's the one I'd get"..
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

          Comment


            Originally posted by WTFH View Post
            Fram Rachel Burns on Twitter - I shared it with NickFitz, thought it would appeal to him
            I don't do twitter, - so who nicked my feckin' joke??

            Comment


              They say that honesty is the best policy.

              Well the other day I told a motor cyclist in the pub that his girlfriend was boot ugly, which was the truth.

              In reward for my honesty I got a broken nose, lost eight teeth, and have suffered blackouts ever since.
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                My wife and I know the secret to making a marriage last.

                Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and some good food.

                She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  JESUS: When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
                  ME: I saw 2 sets and then drag marks.
                  JESUS: Yeah, you really need to lose some weight.
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    I cannot believe who thought it would be a good idea to have a inflatable boxing ring and giant gloves at a 5 year olds birthday party !

                    It was terrible all the kids crying several of them hurt and some of the girls refusing to take part .

                    On a positive note it was a good workout and i have a perfect record of 12 wins including 10 knockouts.
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by shaunbhoy View Post
                      JESUS: When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
                      MF: I saw 2 sets and then drag marks.
                      JESUS: Yeah, you really need to lose some weight.
                      FTFY!
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X