• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Whenever someone says to me "great minds think alike" I just look at them and think 'you sick bastard'!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      As she ascended to the white pearly gates, princess Diana chuckled to herself, there, she was greated with open arms by St Peter.

      "Am...am I... In heaven" she chuckled to herself.

      "Yes my child, but please, before you come in... Wipe that Merc off your face"
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        "Thief nabbed after GPS finds bike"

        I'm surprised they have the time to go sleuthing considering how busy are the hospitals.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I keep thinking I'm someone that helps deliver babies.

          I think I'm having a midwife crisis.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            What's the Queen's favourite song?
            'Things That Make You Go HM'
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Originally posted by vetran View Post
              What's the Queen's favourite song?
              'Things That Make You Go HM'
              Favourite shop?

              Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

              Comment


                Last night I had to lock the dog out the room whilst me and my girlfriend had sex. All last night it was scratching on the door whining

                “I’m your wife how could you do this”
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Boris johnson is expected to do a u-turn on the pay rise for nurses after coming under pressure....he will agree to an increase from clapping to saluting, he is even considering blowing kisses
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My girlfriend said, that when doing cunilingus on her. I should imagine forming the 26 letters of the alphabet with my tongue. I tried it, and she absolutely loved it.



                    But sadly she's now left me for some Chinese guy.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      What's the best way to delegate?

                      I'm asking for a friend.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X