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Please put more jokes here

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    I've been prescribed anti-gloating cream...
    I can't wait to rub it in.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I gave up Chinese takeaways after Covid and now I've given up Vodka because of the Russians.
      If Colombia invade anyone, I'm done for.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I'm going to get my dying cat to sue Ed Sheeran, her groans of pain sound EXACTLY like at least 20 of his songs
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Asked my friend how he's doing?
          He said, "I missed a few car payments and now I'm back on my feet."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I’ve just failed an RAF entrance exam.

            Apparently the bomb bay doors aren’t an Indian tribute act.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              Originally posted by WTFH View Post
              I’ve just failed an RAF entrance exam.

              Apparently the bomb bay doors aren’t an Indian tribute act.
              should have asked HAL
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I've just found out my wife is involved with a paedophile ring!

                She's just got a new job at the BBC
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Male or female:

                  PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off…it takes a while to warm them up again.
                  They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed…but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

                  TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

                  HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object… Because to get them to go anywhere…you have to light a fire under their arse.

                  SPONGES: These are female…because they are soft…squeezable and retain water.

                  WEB PAGES: Female…because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

                  TRAINS: Definitely male… Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people…

                  EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because…over time…all the weight shifts to the bottom.

                  HAMMERS: Male… Because in the last 5000 years…they’ve hardly changed at all…and are occasionally handy to have around.

                  THE REMOTE CONTROL: Male: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it…and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push…he just keeps trying
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    SPIDERMAN: I have spider-like powers

                    SUPERMAN: I can fly and have x-ray vision

                    WEATHERMAN: It's going to be overcast in Kent on Sunday
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

                    Comment


                      On this day in 1967, Pink Floyd released their first single.


                      It’s just getting to the end of the guitar solo now.
                      {emotionless greeting}

                      Three Word Slogan

                      Comment

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