Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I've been prescribed anti-gloating cream...
I can't wait to rub it in.

[vetran]

I gave up Chinese takeaways after Covid and now I've given up Vodka because of the Russians.
If Colombia invade anyone, I'm done for.

[vetran]

I'm going to get my dying cat to sue Ed Sheeran, her groans of pain sound EXACTLY like at least 20 of his songs

[vetran]

Asked my friend how he's doing?
He said, "I missed a few car payments and now I'm back on my feet."

[WTFH]

I’ve just failed an RAF entrance exam.

Apparently the bomb bay doors aren’t an Indian tribute act.

[vetran]

I’ve just failed an RAF entrance exam.

Apparently the bomb bay doors aren’t an Indian tribute act.

should have asked HAL

[vetran]

I've just found out my wife is involved with a paedophile ring!

She's just got a new job at the BBC

[vetran]

Male or female:

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off…it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed…but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object… Because to get them to go anywhere…you have to light a fire under their arse.

SPONGES: These are female…because they are soft…squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female…because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male… Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people…

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because…over time…all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male… Because in the last 5000 years…they’ve hardly changed at all…and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Male: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it…and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push…he just keeps trying

[WTFH]

SPIDERMAN: I have spider-like powers

SUPERMAN: I can fly and have x-ray vision

WEATHERMAN: It's going to be overcast in Kent on Sunday

[WTFH]

On this day in 1967, Pink Floyd released their first single.


It’s just getting to the end of the guitar solo now.