• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Since they call Australia "The Land Down Under"


    Shouldn't they call Scotland "The Land Hung Over?"
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      True Story.
      I just got a message from my doctor's surgery telling me to contact them to make an appointment for a Covid jab.
      When I called them they said I'll need to go to Lords Cricket Ground next Wednesday at 10:00.
      I said "How's that".......
      Miserable bunch, no sense of humour.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Whoever said there's no I in team has clearly never worked with a Dyslexic.
        Last edited by vetran; 18 February 2021, 14:52.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          I volunteered to help in the local hospital. They asked me to take samples from patients to the urology department. Is that taking the piss?
          "A people that elect corrupt politicians, imposters, thieves and traitors are not victims, but accomplices," George Orwell

          Comment


            Tonight we’re having Himalayan rabbit stew for supper... I found Himalayan on the road!
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              I was working my first day as an office boy at the BBC HQ. The office manager brought me over to a filing cabinet and said: "Please arrange our files in alphabetical order."
              I took one out and asked: "This one is Jimmy Saville's. Do I file it under "J" or "S"?
              The manager replied: "P. That's the pedo file".
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                My wife left me last week, she said she was going to get some milk and never came back.
                My mum called and asked me how I was coping?
                "Not bad" I said, "I've been using that powdered stuff"
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  There's just no need for women to behave the way they do when there on the blob..






                  Total ovary action
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    Gary Glitter has been given the covid vaccine in prison


                    He has had a prick in him for a change
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      NASA have landed a Rover on Mars after a 300million mile voyage.


                      Blimey, the one I drove in the 90s barely used to make it to Sainsbury's.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X