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Please put more jokes here

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    So I said to a mathematical teacher, do you like doing fractions? he said not half
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      When my Mum left, my Dad was very good at letting go.


      Great guy. Terrible rock climber.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Pythagoras once said, 'Every triangle is a love triangle if you love triangles'.


        Brilliant mathematician, tulip boyfriend.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          The missis would be absolutely ******* livid with me if she knew what kind of racist and sexist jokes I've been posting here.


          Sincerely, Prince Harry
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            A 37-year-old man from Bradford has been jailed for three years for having sex with his pet chickens.


            Honestly, some people just don't know what to do with their cock.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I really don't understand this Burnham peasant. Why didn't he just register Manchester as a small limited company with no experience of making PPE and £300 in the bank. He would've been given £100 million before teatime. Stupid Northerner.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Our local council had a competition to name our new gritting lorry.


                The cold weather is nearly upon us and we are so excited to finally see ‘Gary’ on the roads
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  The Catholic Church have admitted they got it wrong...
                  It was Adam & Steve all along.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    for Suity

                    My voluntary work with the Samaritans only lasted one shift. A caller said he was suicidal and about to throw himself under a train.


                    I thought I should get advice from a supervisor and told him to stay on the line.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      An Englishman, an irishman and a scotsman walk into a bar

                      and the barman says "what'll it be gents"
                      Englishman - 'I'll have a pint of fisted goblin, 4.6 ABV, golden colour with citrus undertones"
                      Irishman - "I'll have a pint of Guinness and a Bushmills chaser"
                      Scotsman - "I'll have a er...erm...a lime and soda"
                      Toby and Patrick both turn to Hamish and say "you'll have what?"
                      Hamish - "Sorry, what were you expecting? Just because I am from Scotland you expect me to be some stereotype drunken scot? Are you expecting me to order Tenants super and a bottle of buckfast just to live up to an outdated and untrue image of the Scots as alcoholics? Shame on you. For your information I like lime and soda. Also I am skint at the moment as I spent all my dole money on smack."

                      Comment

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