Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

So I said to a mathematical teacher, do you like doing fractions? he said not half

[vetran]

When my Mum left, my Dad was very good at letting go.


Great guy. Terrible rock climber.

[vetran]

Pythagoras once said, 'Every triangle is a love triangle if you love triangles'.


Brilliant mathematician, tulip boyfriend.

[vetran]

The missis would be absolutely ******* livid with me if she knew what kind of racist and sexist jokes I've been posting here.


Sincerely, Prince Harry

[vetran]

A 37-year-old man from Bradford has been jailed for three years for having sex with his pet chickens.


Honestly, some people just don't know what to do with their cock.

[vetran]

I really don't understand this Burnham peasant. Why didn't he just register Manchester as a small limited company with no experience of making PPE and £300 in the bank. He would've been given £100 million before teatime. Stupid Northerner.

[vetran]

Our local council had a competition to name our new gritting lorry.


The cold weather is nearly upon us and we are so excited to finally see ‘Gary’ on the roads

[vetran]

The Catholic Church have admitted they got it wrong...
It was Adam & Steve all along.

[vetran]

for Suity

My voluntary work with the Samaritans only lasted one shift. A caller said he was suicidal and about to throw himself under a train.


I thought I should get advice from a supervisor and told him to stay on the line.

[ladymuck]

An Englishman, an irishman and a scotsman walk into a bar

and the barman says "what'll it be gents"
Englishman - 'I'll have a pint of fisted goblin, 4.6 ABV, golden colour with citrus undertones"
Irishman - "I'll have a pint of Guinness and a Bushmills chaser"
Scotsman - "I'll have a er...erm...a lime and soda"
Toby and Patrick both turn to Hamish and say "you'll have what?"
Hamish - "Sorry, what were you expecting? Just because I am from Scotland you expect me to be some stereotype drunken scot? Are you expecting me to order Tenants super and a bottle of buckfast just to live up to an outdated and untrue image of the Scots as alcoholics? Shame on you. For your information I like lime and soda. Also I am skint at the moment as I spent all my dole money on smack."