Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Theres only 2 things certain in life, death and taxes. Unless you're john macafee, then theres only death.

[vetran]

Panto

"Hi, what's your name?"

"Helen. You?"

"No, I'm Tom."

[vetran]

Panto

A Spanish greengrocer is 1.74 meters tall, has a waist circumference of 105 centimeters, and wears a size of 44. What does he weigh?

Vegetables

[vetran]

I took the wife out to eat.

"You always pray before dinner when we're at home."

"Here, the chef knows how to cook "

[vetran]

Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn’t know the difference between KY lube and silicone caulk?

Their windows fell out.

[vetran]

Bumper Sticker on a senior's car:
I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I'm going.

[vetran]

Once saw a man digging up cats eyes in the middle of the road, I said to him what are you doing?
He replied " im digging up these diamonds"
I told him they were glass
He snapped at me saying "no! This is a jewel carriageway!"

[vetran]

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, you have no more wishes

Me: But you said 3

Genie: Sue me.

[vetran]

The pulley is the most egotistical of all the machines.

It’s always at the centre of a tension.

[vetran]

Male bees die after mating. That's basically their life:

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.