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Please put more jokes here

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    Theres only 2 things certain in life, death and taxes. Unless you're john macafee, then theres only death.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Panto

      "Hi, what's your name?"

      "Helen. You?"

      "No, I'm Tom."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Panto

        A Spanish greengrocer is 1.74 meters tall, has a waist circumference of 105 centimeters, and wears a size of 44. What does he weigh?

        Vegetables
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I took the wife out to eat.

          "You always pray before dinner when we're at home."

          "Here, the chef knows how to cook "
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn’t know the difference between KY lube and silicone caulk?

            Their windows fell out.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Bumper Sticker on a senior's car:
              I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I'm going.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Once saw a man digging up cats eyes in the middle of the road, I said to him what are you doing?
                He replied " im digging up these diamonds"
                I told him they were glass
                He snapped at me saying "no! This is a jewel carriageway!"
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes

                  Me: I wish for a world without lawyers

                  Genie: Done, you have no more wishes

                  Me: But you said 3

                  Genie: Sue me.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    The pulley is the most egotistical of all the machines.

                    It’s always at the centre of a tension.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Male bees die after mating. That's basically their life:

                      Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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