Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you. So, so much"

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me, talking to the beer."

[WTFH]

I identify as anti-perspirant

...and before you ask, yes, I'm Sure.

[vetran]

My Winter Fat is gone.


Now I have Spring Rolls.

[WTFH]

Do you know what really floats my boat?



A high tide

[WTFH]

There is a lot of controversy about sex education in schools at the moment but I can remember how bad our sex ed was.

I remember the teacher coming in one day and told us that we were going to learn how to use a condom.

A banana was then brought out as the the teacher said he couldn't get a hard-on on an empty stomach.

[vetran]

We buy any Car are total rubbish. I took Jimmy and Alan to my local branch but they wouldn't buy them.

[vetran]

What's the difference between Prince Harry and Scotland? Prince Harry was given permission to leave the UK...

[vetran]

I'm not saying I've had a hard day, but I feel as knackered as Carol Vorderman's bedsprings..

[vetran]

...and then he kicked my sandcastle over at the beach and said "That's because you'll never have one!"

--Prince Harry.

[vetran]

I've just bumped into a mate who I hav'nt seen for a while, he says he's gonna divorce the wife because she has'nt spoken to him for 3 months, I told him not to be so hasty and think things thru - women like that are hard to find !

[vetran]

Milf egghead Carol Vorderman loves maths so much that she & her quintet of male lovers always share oral sex daily at quarter to four.

Why?

Because 69 x 5 = 345

[vetran]

So, I understand that you have an issue with your genitals?? asked my doctor.

Yes, I replied, My left one is bigger than my right one.?

?That?s perfectly normal,? he laughed, ?This is common in most men!?

?That?s a relief,? I said, ?And there was me thinking that nobody else had two cocks.?

[vetran]

I've just bought a few copies of Prince Harry's new book.

Just in case we go back into lockdown and the bastards start buying up all the toilet roll again

[vetran]

I had a car crash last night. As I woke up the doctors tried to tell me I was a Swedish guy and that I had lost my memory.

But I wasnt having it, I told them I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

[WTFH]

Just got arrested for shoplifting at Waterstones. Not my fault. I asked if they had any spare books and they said yes. (Tim Vine)