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    Please put more jokes here

    Publicity shy Jeremy Clarkson was rushed to hospital at the weekend. For his sake I hope Richard Hammond wasn't driving.
    …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

    Comment


      Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall was found earlier today by Merseyside police having sex with a rabbit in a field! A spokesperson from the Merseyside force said when they found him he was holding back the ears shouting "Bunnies too tight to mention"
      'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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        Dear George,

        On behalf of Channel 4 Television, may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show, also the charming photograph of her you enclosed.

        Whilst agreeing that she would make a worthy contribution to the programme if she is selected, I would like to point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

        Kind regards

        Channel 4.
        …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

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          I'm the sort of person who calls a spade a spade. I also call a door a shoe though, and that's why I never got a second interview for B&Q.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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            So there I was, sat on my sofa naked.
            I had a Tyrannosaurus glove puppet on one hand, and a triceratops glove puppet the other.
            On the table I had a big tub of lube and plenty of tissues.

            How stupid did I feel when I put the DVD on and realized it was called WALKING with Dinosaurs.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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              For our Divorcees

              Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’ll wish you had a ******* club and a spade.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                What's the difference between a tramp and an MP?

                One sits about on a bench all day, usually falling asleep, enjoys long liquid lunches and contributes nothing to society.

                The other's a tramp.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                  I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed and said
                  "Here love, I'll change gear for you."
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                    I was stood on a bridge having a piss and this black bloke stands next to me and starts pissing too.

                    'The waters ******* cold.' I said to him.

                    'Yeh, ' He replied, 'It's deep too.'
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                      I thought my vasectomy would stop my wife getting pregnant
                      Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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