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Please put more jokes here

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    BY switching off a 60W light bulb for 6 hours, you will have saved enough energy to light a 60W light bulb for 6 hours.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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      Please put more jokes here

      Joe was a successful lawyer, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches... the bad news is that it will require castration." You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
      Joe was shocked and depressed. He woundered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
      As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "that's what I need .. a new suit."
      He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 42 long."
      Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in business 60 years!"
      Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "how about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "sure..."
      The salesman eyed Joe and said "let's see...34 sleeves and...16 and a half neck."
      Joe was suprised, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years" Joe tried one the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
      As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked "how about some new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said "sure!"
      The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said "Let's see... 10-1/2...E." Joe said astonished, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in business 60 years!"
      Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "how about some new underwear?"
      Joe thought for a second and said, "sure!" The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said "Let's see... size 36."
      Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "you can't wear a size 34, it will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

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        "Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.

        She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

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          Hey girl, are you a metamorphic amphibole?

          Cause you will be.
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

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            Argon walks into a bar. The barman looks and says "we don't serve your kind.

            Argon doesn't react.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

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              Originally posted by WTFH View Post
              Argon walks into a bar. The barman looks and says "we don't serve your kind.

              Argon doesn't react.
              They didn't serve his mate Hydrogen either cause he was a lightweight.
              'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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                I wonder does my vet realise how many passwords she knows.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

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                  What's the difference between BrilloPad's sex life and his building society interest?

                  He gets the interest twice a year
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

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                    what's the most commonly misspelled blood group.?

                    Type O
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                      My young son came over to me earlier and said:

                      "Dad, I want to raise some money for one of those long deep thingies that goes in the ground and gets water for poor people."

                      I thought, "bless him, he means well."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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