I went to my local s ex shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help? I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female? I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette? I said blonde. Then he asked Mu sli m or Christian? I asked what's the difference? He said the M usli m blows itself up.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
Some eclipse ones
Me and the wife were having sex while watching the total eclipse on TV.
The Sun , the Moon , and the Earth all moved.Comment
-
We watched with shock and awe as the massive round form slowly moved forward and blotted out the sun, casting everything into complete darkness.
But then we asked MF to stand back so we could try and watch the eclipse.Comment
-
So that's it then, this one in 2017 and now the next is not until 2024.
Still though, a blow job from the wife is always welcome.Comment
-
Comment
-
"Why are you painting number 34 on our bin when we live at number two?" asked my wife.
"It's so the ******* binmen will leave it near our house when they've emptied it, " I replied.Comment
-
-
Comment
-
A very strange thing happened last night.
There I was in the kitchen, having stripped the carburetor on the work surface and de-greasing some other parts from my motorbike in the sink, when my wife came home, looked at me in a very peculiar way, then, for no reason whatsoever her mood ring just exploded?Comment
-
A new study found our happiness peaks in our late 80s ...
That's because all the people who pissed you off are now dead.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Loan charge recall issue returns, with new demands making UK contractors ‘half-suicidal’ Today 03:58
- AI interviews are here. Here's how IT contractors can ace them Yesterday 06:53
- Closing your limited company isn't failure. It's just the end of a chapter. Jun 8 05:00
- Young people not in education, employment or training isn’t a contractor’s problem. It’s a problem for us all Jun 5 05:26
- How does HMRC’s forward interest change benefit contractors? Jun 4 04:22
- What are Bills of Exchange, and should HMRC's alert worry umbrella contractors? Jun 3 04:09
- Bills of Exchange fail to avoid new umbrella company rules, says HMRC Jun 2 05:32
- Is permanent employment still the safer bet? Yes, but it's a lot less safe than it used to be. Jun 1 04:34
- Is your Director’s Loan Account (DLA) a target of HMRC’s closer look at close companies? May 29 04:45
- Is your Director’s Loan Account (DLS) a target of HMRC’s closer look at close companies? May 29 04:45

Comment