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  1. #5611

    TykeLike

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    I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs
    “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

    ― Marcus Aurelius

  2. #5612

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    I still love to spoil my wife. When she works late she calls me before leaving work. Then I will run her hot water, stir the bubbles just right so that as soon as she gets in, she can start the dishes!
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  3. #5613

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    The surgeon said to me, "Do you have a dog?"
    I said, "Yes, why?"
    He said, "If I can't save your leg, do you want me to keep the bone for him?"
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  4. #5614

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    A friend of mine thinks the story of how he got an orthopaedic shoe is hilarious but I think he's built it up too much.
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  5. #5615

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    Took a girl back to mine earlier for sex.
    When she said, 'im gonna leave my bra on cos ive only got tiny tits'
    so i said, 'ok i'll leave my pants on then !'
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  6. #5616

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    Surely the Israeli Dairy Council have run a campaign with the tag line 'Cheeses Of Nazareth'?
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  7. #5617

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    My mate just rang me in tears, his wife has left him, and taken his prized Bob Marley collection and satellite dish!
    Poor devil, no woman no sky.
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  8. #5618

    I live on CUK

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    Someone sent me a tantric text once.... it took ages to come
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  9. #5619

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    SAVE money on Prosecco by simply putting Lambrini through a Soda Stream and getting over yourself.
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

  10. #5620

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    Still waiting for that magical day where I ring a call centre that isn't experiencing an extremely high volume of calls.
    “If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank!"

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