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Please put more jokes here

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    As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought "Dogs are easily amused", then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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      Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.
        “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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          My wife told me sex is better on holiday... that wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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            What do you call a singing computer?

            A Dell.
            "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

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              A bloke knocked on my door this morning and said, "Could you spare 5 minutes to do an opinion poll?"
              I replied, "Sorry mate, my opinion isn't in at the moment, she's down the shops."
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                Son: "Dad. did you know that in other countries, you don't know who your wife is until you are married?"

                Dad : "It's like that everywhere son!"
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  I was reading the side of a soap powder box and it said:
                  Tough on Grime. Smashes Dirt. Hard on Stains.
                  I thought..that last ones a bit too much information!
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                    Give your child anabolic steroids before sports day. Schools are notoriously lax with drug testing
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

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                      An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
                      He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
                      The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
                      The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

                      Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...

                      "SUPPLIES!!"

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