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    What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

    The man who staggers home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
    perfume, then slaps his wife on the ar5e and says: "You're next, fatty."
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is
    lying in bed reading.
    Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

    Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

    Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks,
    "What are you doing?"

    She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400
    for doing what I do for you for free."

    Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees
    her husband packing his suitcase.
    When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to
    see how you live on £800 a year".
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres
    of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of
    lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon.

    As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
    standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

    While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “
    You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she

    was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
    looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
    about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital
    status.
    Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're
    absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

    The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really
    upset.
    She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that
    goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."

    The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up,
    she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
    Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the
    box.

    She opened it and found a brand new set of bathroom scales.

    Comment


      Chan

      Q. Where do failed suicide bombers go when they die? (no virgins for these guys)

      A. Muslimbo
      If you find this post offensive, please insert "Chan" before and "tho" after, then it should be OK.

      Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being - Elvis Costello

      Comment


        Originally posted by andrew_neil_uk View Post
        What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

        The man who staggers home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
        perfume, then slaps his wife on the ar5e and says: "You're next, fatty."
        ---------------------------------------------------------------------
        Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is
        lying in bed reading.
        Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

        Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

        Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"
        ----------------------------------------------------------------------
        A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks,
        "What are you doing?"

        She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400
        for doing what I do for you for free."

        Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees
        her husband packing his suitcase.
        When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to
        see how you live on £800 a year".
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------
        A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres
        of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of
        lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon.

        As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
        standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

        While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “
        You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she

        was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
        looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
        about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital
        status.
        Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're
        absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

        The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
        ---------------------------------------------------------------------
        Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really
        upset.
        She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that
        goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."

        The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up,
        she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box
        gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
        Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the
        box.

        She opened it and found a brand new set of bathroom scales.
        l l l http://www.thewantedfans.com

        Comment


          A woman asks her fiance to prove his love for her by having her name "Wendy" tattooed on his penis. He agrees, and when his penis is erect it spells out her name in full. However, when it is limp it just displays "WY".
          After the wedding they jet off to a nudist beach in Jamaica for their honeymoon. Whilst there the guy spots a black man with "WY" tattooed on his penis also. He says to the guy "You must have a wife called Wendy too"
          "No" says the black man, "Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day'"

          ---------------------------------------------------------------------

          A man walks into the kitchen and sees his wife cooking. "Sh@g me now, right now!" she says. So he sh@gs her right there on the kitchen table, then she goes back to her cooking. He says "What was that all about?"
          "Oh, I couldn't find the egg timer!" she replied.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

          Comment


            Why was 6 afraid of 7?

            Because 7 8 9

            end of body tag

            Comment


              I came home and found my wife having sex on the living room floor with my best friend. I said to him "bad dog"

              Comment


                A man with a black eye boards a plane and notices the man next to him has a shiner too.
                The first man says "How did you get that?"
                Second man says "Instead of asking the big breasted girl at the counter for 2
                tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for 2 pickets to tittsburgh".
                First man says I got mine like that too, I wanted to say to my wife "Pour me a bowl of frosties please", but I accidently said "You've ruined my life you evil fat get"

                IGMC

                Comment


                  What's the medical term for the fat, squidgy bit that surrounds a woman's clitoris?


                  The Wife!!!
                  "If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier"

                  Comment


                    What's the medical term for the useless bit of flesh at the end of a penis called?


                    A man.

                    Comment


                      Bump ... more jokes please!

                      Comment

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