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    What Makes 100%
    What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
    been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

    Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
    If:
    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

    Then:
    H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
    8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

    and
    K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
    11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

    But,
    A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
    1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

    And,
    B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
    2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

    AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
    A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
    1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

    So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bulltulip and Ass kissing will put you over the top.
    l l l http://www.thewantedfans.com

    Comment


      Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business
      executives will. Now, for the first time we have a rigid Mathematical
      proof that explains why this is in fact true.

      Postulate 1: Knowledge is power.

      Postulate 2: Time is money.

      As every Engineer knows, Work / Time = Power

      Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have Work / Money =
      Knowledge

      Solving for Money, we get: Work / Knowledge = Money Thus, as Knowledge
      approaches zero,

      Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

      Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

      Comment


        Originally posted by Money Money Money View Post
        What Makes 100%
        What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
        been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

        Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
        If:
        A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
        1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

        Then:
        H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
        8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

        and
        K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
        11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

        But,
        A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
        1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

        And,
        B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
        2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

        AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
        A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
        1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

        So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bulltulip and Ass kissing will put you over the top.
        Chan

        But ARSEKISSING is worth even more, so those who suck up in the UK are better off than their US counterparts...
        If you find this post offensive, please insert "Chan" before and "tho" after, then it should be OK.

        Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being - Elvis Costello

        Comment


          It's an old one but very bad......

          Boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is doing the washing up.
          "Mom, Grandma has got a prawn" his says to her
          "What do you mean grandma has got a prawn" the mother replies
          So the boy takes the mother into the lounge where the grandma is lying naked on the sofa.
          He points and says again "see grandma has got a prawn"
          The mother smiles and says "no son that's not a prawn that's your grandmothers Cl it tor ious"
          The boy looks to his mom all confused and replies "oh right.....well it tasts like prawn"

          Thats the way the cookie crumbles

          Comment


            Little boy runs in to see his mother after being out with his dad, and says "Mummy, mummy, me and daddy have seen a robot walking down the street".
            "How do you know it was a robot?" asks the little boys mum
            "Well daddy said he would like to screw the arse of her" replies the little boy

            Comment


              President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly
              formal, impeccably planned state visit to England. At Heathrow, a
              300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush
              strides to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

              They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central
              London where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six
              magnificent white matching horses. As they ride toward Buckingham
              Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering
              Britons lining the streets, all is going well. But suddenly the right
              rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending,
              eye-smarting blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British
              Empire, including Bermuda, Tortola and the Falkland Islands. It shakes
              the coach.

              Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their
              best to ignore the whole incident but then the Queen decides that's
              ridiculous. She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please
              accept my regrets....I'm sure you understand that there are some things
              that even a Queen cannot control".

              George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "You Majesty, please don't
              give the matter another thought......you know, if you hadn't said
              something I would have thought it was one of the horses."

              Comment


                A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to
                report her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

                She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy
                hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is
                good to the children."

                The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches,
                chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

                The wife replied, "Yeah, but who wants HIM back?"

                Comment


                  The psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "Mr.
                  Black is in the waiting room asking to see you again. This time he claims
                  he's invisible."

                  The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."

                  Comment


                    An explorer became lost in a far-off land. He wandered for days, unable
                    to find food, and finally in desperation he killed, cooked and ate his pet
                    dog.

                    Afterwards, surveying the pathetic pile of bones which remained, he was
                    overcome with emotion as the thought occurred to him...

                    ..."Rover would have loved those"

                    Comment


                      A Memo from Finance Dept.
                      It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning
                      in time sheets that specify large amounts of 'Miscellaneous Unproductive
                      Time'(code #5000).

                      To FD, unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is
                      not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The
                      newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires
                      additional information to achieve its goals.

                      Attached below is a sheet specifying an Extended Task Code List based on
                      observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify
                      with greater precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.
                      Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about
                      any difficulties you may encounter.

                      Extended Task Code List

                      Code Description

                      5001 Surfing the net - non business related
                      5002 Surfing the net - business related
                      5010 Reading/writing social email
                      5013 Sharing social e-mail (see codes #5005, #5004)
                      5014 Collecting jokes and other humorous material via e-mail
                      5015 Forwarding jokes and other humorous material via e-mail
                      5016 Faxing jokes and other humorous material to friends not on e-mail
                      5200 Photocopying private material
                      5201 Photocopying pornographic material
                      5202 Photocopying body parts
                      5316 Meeting to chat
                      5317 Obstructing communications at meetings
                      5318 Attempting to sound knowledgeable while in meetings
                      5319 General diversionary activities to maintain consciousness in
                      meetings
                      5320 Waiting (unspecified)
                      5321 Waiting for break
                      5322 Waiting for lunch
                      5323 Waiting for end of day
                      5324 Waiting for end of week
                      5325 Waiting for end of month
                      5326 Waiting for boss to leave
                      5327 Waiting for something to happen
                      5328 Waiting for helpdesk to answer
                      5329 Waiting for Unix Admins to do something

                      5330 Vicious verbal attacks directed at co-worker
                      5331 Vicious verbal attacks directed at co-worker (co-worker not
                      present)
                      5390 Covering for incompetence of co-worker
                      5391 Explaining to co-worker how he/she should cover for you
                      5400 Explaining concepts to co-worker who is not interested in learning
                      5401 Explaining concepts to co-worker who is stupid
                      5402 Explaining concepts to co-worker who hates you
                      5403 Explaining concepts to co-worker who hates you because you wouldn't
                      sleep with them
                      5481 Buying snacks
                      5482 Eating snacks
                      5483 Going to kitchen to make tea / coffee.
                      5484 Mopping up spilt tea/coffee from desk
                      5500 Filling out time sheets
                      5501 Inventing time sheet entries
                      5503 Scratching
                      5504 Sleeping
                      5505 Wandering aimlessly along corridors in the hope of finding someone
                      to talk to
                      5510 Feeling bored
                      5600 Bitching about lousy job (see code #5610)
                      5601 Bitching about low pay (see code #5610)
                      5602 Bitching about long hours (see code #5610)
                      5603 Bitching about co-worker (see codes #5322, #5323)
                      5604 Bitching about boss (see code #5610)
                      5605 Bitching about personal problems
                      5610 Searching for a new job
                      5640 Miscellaneous unproductive bitching
                      5701 Not actually present at job
                      5703 Working from home
                      5704 Suffering from eight-hour flu
                      6102 Ordering carry-out
                      6103 Waiting for food delivery to arrive
                      6104 Taking it easy while digesting food
                      6200 Using office resources for personal profit
                      6201 Stealing office goods
                      6202 Making excuses after accidentally destroying office goods
                      6203 Using office phone to make long-distance personal calls
                      6206 Gossiping
                      6207 Shuffling uncomfortably when gossip subject enters office
                      6208 Planning social events
                      6209 Recovering from social events
                      6210 Feeling sorry for self
                      6221 Pretending to work while boss is watching
                      6222 Pretending to enjoy job
                      6223 Pretending to like co-workers
                      6224 Pretending to like important people
                      6225 General sucking-up
                      6238 Miscellaneous unproductive fantasising
                      6601 Running own business on company time (see code #6604)
                      6602 Complaining
                      6603 Complaining that you're too busy to worry about redundancy
                      6604 Writing a book in company time
                      6605 Planning a holiday on company time
                      6611 Staring into space (see code #6616)
                      6612 Staring at computer screen (blank)
                      6613 Staring at screen saver
                      6614 Editing settings on screen saver
                      6615 Videoconferencing
                      6616 Transcendental meditation
                      6700 Walking round site (internal) with piece of paper
                      6701 Walking round site (external) with clip-board
                      6702 Looking important (general)
                      7400 Talking with divorce lawyer on phone
                      7401 Talking with plumber on phone
                      7402 Talking with garage on phone
                      7403 Talking with doctor on phone
                      7404 Talking with masseuse on phone
                      7405 Talking with house painter on phone
                      7406 Talking with personal therapist on phone
                      7407 Comparing company cars
                      7419 Talking with miscellaneous paid professional on phone
                      7425 Talking with mistress/toy boy on phone (also see code #7400)
                      7435 Placing bets on phone
                      7931 Asking co-worker for aid in illicit activities
                      8000 Recreational drug use
                      8001 Non-recreational drug use
                      8003 General desperation
                      9000 Putting things in boxes for a desk move
                      9001 Taking things out of boxes after a desk move
                      9002 Searching for things lost during a desk move.
                      9003 Stealing things to replace things lost during a desk move

                      Comment

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