Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I got my wife a Mini Cooper for her birthday.

**** knows why she wants a midget who makes barrels.

[vetran]

I won first place in a political correctness competition the weekend...
Though to be fair, so did everyone else.

[vetran]

one for AssGuru

I received a letter recently saying I'd won an award as the 'Most Humble Man in Britain'.

I replied telling them there's been a mistake, surely it should have said 'in the World'.

[shaunbhoy]

My mate asked me to be usher at his wedding.
I said I'd try and learn a couple of his songs, but there's no way I'll be able to do the dance routines.

[shaunbhoy]

My Great Grandfather fought in world war 1 and single handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication.
He ate their pigeon.

[shaunbhoy]

MAKE sure your child has access to a unique email address when they grow up by naming them Spatchcock Rivertits.

[shaunbhoy]

When Yogi Bear does it - it's funny but when I steal a family's picnic basket wearing just a hat and tie, the police get involved.

[vetran]

Every time I attend a wake I get completely pissed, then end up vomiting.

I must have funereal disease.

[vetran]

Naughty

Paris is the most popular tourist destination with nearly one-fifth of its population being tourists at any time of the year.

So 20% of Paris is occupied by foreigners. Just like the 1940s

[vetran]

Monopoly 2017 UK edition:- the jail has no spaces left - there's no free parking -
no-one can buy any houses because they can't get a mortgage -
win or lose, you still have to bail out the banker