• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    The seal in my oven is gone.
    Animal rights activists are outside my house making serious accusations.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

    Comment


      A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

      She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

      He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

      Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

      “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

      “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

      “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish

      Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

      “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy".
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

      Comment


        Make your dining table more "strong and stable" by sawing 1/3 off one of its legs.
        I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
        Hands... out infractions
        Face... the music
        Space... between the ears

        Comment


          I only have a cigarette after a good meal.

          Thanks to my wife, I've quit.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Confuse archaeologists years from now by arranging to be buried with your car keys and some bronze arrowheads!
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              You know you're getting old when:
              Watching Babe Station. A gorgeous girl in a skimpy little French maid's outfit pushing a Hoover around bending over provocatively.
              And all you think is, "We used to have a Hoover like that one."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I need to speak to you about being a subject for my human origami project. Can I bend your ear later?
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  Stop yourself being known as the nasty party by going into a coalition with a nastier party.
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    My mate´s in hospital after taking an E.
                    Countdowns security really don't mess about!
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment


                      A French and a English gynaecologist are at a conference,during the lunch break,they are walking in the local park, the Frenchman says " you know I has a women in my clinic last week that had a clitoris like a melon" " oh poor women how did she manage to walk" says the English man, Frenchman says " oh you English and your sense of humour I was talking about the flavour not the size".
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X