Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

I went to my mates funeral , it was sad he was killed by a tennis ball .

Still it was a lovely service.

[WTFH]

I was on a train this morning, in the loo, having a dump, when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please?"

"Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a dump."

"I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."

"No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn!"

[LondonManc]

My grief counselor died yesterday. Fortunately, he was that good that I didn't give a toss.

[northernladuk]

A warehouse worker was badly injured when a box of white chocolate bars fell on him.

Calling out for help he yelled 'The milky bars are on me'

....and everyone cheered.

[LondonManc]

What did Blackbeard say on his 80th birthday?

Aye, matey!

[BR14]

Apochryphal douglas bader joke, but makes ME laugh

Bader was giving a talk during assembly at a posh girl's school, and was recounting one of the many dogfights in which he was shot down....

"I had two ****ers to the left of me, two ****ers to the right, another two ****ers below, and one ****er coming in from the sun"

At this point the headmistress interjected "I must inform you girls that there is a type of aircraft called a fokker spelled f-o-k-k-e-r"

"I don't know about that", said Bader, "this lot were all flying Messerschmitts"

[GreenMirror]

A book just fell on my head.

I've only got my shelf to blame.

[GreenMirror]

A friend died without knowing his blood type.

He kept saying "be positive" but its hard without him.

[GreenMirror]

If you receive an email promising a free tin of pork luncheon meat, don’t open it! It’s spam.

[WTFH]

Alan Carr is named after two types of key.