Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Brillopad and his current wife play the "England World Cup Squad" sex game - neither of them know why they're there or what they're doing, there's little passion or communication and they rarely even make it past the first stage. It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet. It's always over far too quickly and when it does end they know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.

[WTFH]

Next week is International Caribbean Hairstyle Week.





I'm dreading it.

[mudskipper]

When my husband told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down

[DeludedKitten]

Why did the snowflake cross the road?


To cry on the hard shoulder

[DeludedKitten]

Why did the snowflake cross the road?


To complain about the level crossing because these days there shouldn't be any barriers in society.

[DeludedKitten]

Why did the snowflake cross the road?


To complain about the cultural appropriation of a spaghetti junction.

[GreenMirror]

Most of us have car insurance right? But do you have sex insurance? Here is the definitive list based on the cover you need:

SEX with your wife – Legal & General

SEX with your future wife – Mutual Trust

SEX with your secretary – Employers Liability

SEX with a prostitute – Commercial Union

SEX on the telephone – Direct Line

SEX with your biographer – Quote me happy

SEX in a hurry – Insure & go

SEX with your boyfriend – Standard Life

SEX with someone different – go compare.com

SEX with an animal – compare the meerkat.com

SEX with a fat bird – MoreThan

SEX on the back seat – Sheila’s Wheels

SEX with an O.A.P – Saga

SEX with a posh bird – Privilege.com

SEX with a sheep – Farmers Union

SEX with Navy Officers - Admiral

and finally

SEX with a transvestite – confused.com

Dial 0800 696969 now to ensure you are covered.

[WTFH]

If you get the urge in this heatwave to strip off naked and jump in the shower for a quick freshen up just be warned that the security guards in B&Q can get quite snooty about it.

I know this now.

[WTFH]

Just back from the gym. They've got one of them fantastic new machines that does everything.



Mars bars, Twix, Crunchie, Snickers, crisps, fizzy drinks...

[GreenMirror]

Unbelievable. Yesterday I got a ticket for undertaking on the M6 Toll road. Running late yesterday after viewing a car near Birmingham I opted to use the toll motorway instead of the other free M6. I joined just before they closed the slip road to allow a royal motorcade with Prince Charles and Camilla in heading to some local do ...they were travelling along under police protection but so bloody slow.... They were doing 48 in lane three.. I waited and waited hoping they would move over. . Hoping they would speed up. But they didn't.. I got impatient and used lane 1 to pass them at 65 as they continued to do less than 50.. Stopped by lead police motorcade biker.. He told me off and wrote me a ticket.. I asked "why?" He said its because i saw you "pass the duchy on the left hand side.."