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Please put more jokes here

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    Police are called to the scene of a domestic stabbing. Turns out a man has had a kitchen knife plunged through his chest. When asked why by the policemen, she replied, "I'd just finished mopping the kitchen floor and the bastard walked right across it in his dirty shoes."

    The copper radios it in, to which the controller replies, "so, have you taken the knife off her yet?"
    "Have we f**k, the floor's still wet!!!"
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

    Comment


      An old lady went to her doctor and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time doctor although there is no sound and no smell"

      The doctor gave her some pills to take three times a day and told her to come back in a week.

      The next week she came in and said "Doctor, the problem is even worse, I still fart just as much but now they smell terrible.

      "Calm down" said the doctor "The pills have fixed your sinuses, now we just need to work on your hearing"
      bloggoth

      If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
      John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

      Comment


        'What's for dinner, Mum?'


        'Spaghetti Bollock-Knees.'


        'I think you mean Spaghetti Bolognese!'


        'No, I've been to Aldi again.'
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I went into my local shop to buy some Dairylea cheese


          They said they cannot sell it because the government says they have got to stop the spread
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            "Mathematical models developed by Alan Turing are used by researchers to understand bird behaviour"


            So they're taking advice about birds from a bloke who never had anything to do with birds? I can't see that one flying somehow.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              for NAT

              Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?






              Ask your mother!
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                What do pimps and farmers have in common?



                They both need a hoe to stay in business.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Why is Santa so jolly?

                  Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    How do you make holy water?
                    You boil the hell out of it.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Why do crabs never give to charity?
                      Because they’re shellfish.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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