Please put more jokes here

[Moscow Mule]

Apparently Nick Griffin wasn't that bothered about people chucking eggs at him the other day - He was just pissed off they hadn't separated the whites.

Ba dom Tish.

[AZZIK]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"










The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."

[M_B]

Hank, an American, from Florida, is on holiday in London. He's in Trafalgar Square and it's absolutely p*****g it down with rain. Proper torrential rain.

He's huddled in a doorway and an English gentleman in a bowler hat walks past under his umbrella and says, "Morning! Lovely weather!!"
The American is highly confused.
"Lovely weather???" He thinks to himself.
"But it's torrential rain?!?! Hmmm.... Oh, wait a minute, I geddit now. That's what tese crazy Brits call 'I-ron-ee'. Brilliant! Now I understand!"

Anyway, he returns to sun shine state of Florida and he's back in his garden, with the family, and he's cooking steaks on the barbecue. He goes for a slash and when he comes back he's burnt the steaks to a crisp! About a hundred dollars worth of wasted prime sirloin.

He calls to his wife, "Hey Honey!", points at the steaks and says, "lovely weather!"

[Moscow Mule]

Apparently Nick Griffin wasn't that bothered about people chucking eggs at him the other day - He was just pissed off they hadn't separated the whites.

Ba dom Tish.

Woman on HIGNFY used this joke last week.

[Menelaus]

I was delighted when the kind people at the Inland Revenue wrote to me recently, telling me that my tax return was 'outstanding'.....

Particularly since I can't even remember sending it in.

[BrilloPad]

A couple were making love in a car but the man wasn’t doing a very good job of arousing the girl. Eventually she said, ‘Why don’t you just stop - and ask for directions.’

[Drewster]

A couple were making love in a car but the man wasn’t doing a very good job of arousing the girl. Eventually she said, ‘Why don’t you just stop - and ask for directions.’

and he said ".....I have come this way loads of times!!"

[BrilloPad]

Some random facts for you to ponder over...
An elephant excretes half its weight in just two days.
A man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Two multiplied by two equals four.
A woman will have finished reading this list by now, but a man will still be checking the size of his thumb.



A man who was sunbathing for too long got badly burnt and decided he needed his doctor’s advice for some treatment.
‘Yes’, said the doctor checking the man’s body all over. ‘It’s definitely severe sunburn. I’ll
write you this prescription.’
Checking the doctor’s prescription the man looked to see it was for calamine and Viagra.
‘This seems strange,’ said the man, ‘I can see the need for calamine lotion but why Viagra?’
‘Oh,’ said the doctor. ‘That’s to keep the sheets off you at night.’

Q. Have you ever noticed how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender?
A. MENstruation, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnaecology, HIMmorrhoids...

A woman was wearing a very short tight skirt, and when she tried to board a bus she found she couldn’t lift her leg. She reached back and unzipped her zipper. It didn’t seem to do any good, so she reached back and unzipped it again.
Suddenly the man behind her lifted her up and put her on the top step.
‘How dare you?’ she demanded.
‘Well, lady,’ he said. ‘By the time you unzipped my fly for the second time I thought we were good friends.’

[Pig]

A little boy came home from school and said, "Dad, is God a man or a woman?"
"He is both son.....male and female," he replied.
"Is he black or white?" he asked.
"Again, he is both black and white," the father replied.
"Well, is he gay or straight then?" asked the kid.
"Again, God is both gay and straight," he said.
"Dad.....is God....Michael Jackson?"

[Pig]

Coke dealers. Always sticking their business in other people's noses.


Doctors believe Michael Jackson's heart attack was a herditary problem. They think it is a result of a defective Billy gene.


Roger Federer has vowed to claim Wimbledon as his own…

…The wombles have taken this as a sign of invasion and declared war.