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Please put more jokes here

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    When we first got married, we only had a 14" portable TV. Years down the line, we finally upgraded. "In a lot of ways" I said to the wife, "This new TV is a lot like you."

    "All shiny and new?" She giggled.


    "No" I laughed. "Bigger and I don't want to watch when you've nothing on."
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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      one for NF

      I have just landed a job in an Insomniacs Advice Centre.

      We are open from 9 til 5 , weeknights.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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        My wife is so ugly, that when she cooks she makes the onions cry.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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          My blonde wife went down to the local supermarket,
          She said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it,"
          The manager replied, "Those are pickled onions miss."
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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            Elton John hospitalised by potentially deadly infection.

            Don't worry Saturday night it'll be alright.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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              What's the difference between Elton John and Hillary Clinton?
              He's still standing; she's still lying.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                RECREATE the joy of having a teenage son by moving an orang-utan into your house & teaching it to play ‘Call of Duty’.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                  My boss keeps trying to say "You are a real asset" but he runs out of breath before the last syllable.
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    My wife just missed her train this morning... Bloody tied her to the wrong track...
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment


                      Apparently "everyone" thinks I'm a nerd.
                      Bet they didn't even use a statistically significant sample group, weighted for demographic bias.

                      HTH BISDI

                      sasguru
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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