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Please put more jokes here

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    Do you know the best way to annoy Count Dracula?

    Make him a little cross.
    {emotionless greeting}

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      “I have spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house… I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”

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        On average most men have sex 3 to 4 times a week except for Eskimos they're lucky if they have it twice a year.

        This news is distressing and came as somewhat of a shock to me as I had no idea I was an Eskimo.
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          Women don't marry men for their money. They divorce men for their money.
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            I bought a new thesaurus today.
            It's nothing to write house about.
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              Originally posted by WTFH View Post
              Women don't marry men for their money. They divorce Brillo for their money.
              FTFY
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam.
                The doctor gave the man a jar and said:
                Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
                The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
                The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
                Well, doc, it’s like this-first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
                Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
                Then I asked my wife for help.
                She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
                She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
                We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
                The doctor was shocked!
                You asked your neighbor?”
                The old man replied:
                Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

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                  "We don't serve time travellers" said the barman.

                  A time traveller walked into a bar.
                  When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

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                    Probably been done but good one on a bridge beginner's guide i just bought.

                    Marriage starts with two hearts and a diamond.
                    It could end with two clubs and a spade.
                    bloggoth

                    If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
                    John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

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                      How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb?



                      Too
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