Tomorrow, I’m going to open up the time capsule I made 20 years ago when I was a kid. I can’t wait to see how big my puppy is.
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I’ve got the memory of an elephant. I went to the zoo once and saw an elephant.Comment
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According to my sister my niece really likes frozen things so I’m going to get her some frozen beefburgers for her birthday.Comment
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Sex is like math. You add a bed subtract the clothes divide the legs and pray there is no multpilcation.Comment
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Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.Comment
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for MF
Fat lives matter as well you know. Please open the Goddamn buffet!Comment
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Just had a video chat with an attractive women who said she’ll do anything I want for only $100. She agreed to come to my house tomorrow. Fingers crossed she does a good job repairing my garden fence.Comment
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Q. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippy?
A. Because he was too far out man!!Comment
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This is the first year I can’t have a summer holiday in the Bahamas because of Covid19.
I normally can’t have a holiday in the Bahamas because I’m too poor.Comment
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Just tested positive for a ‘big ass’.
Looks like I now need to social distance myself from the kitchen.Comment
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