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Please put more jokes here

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    [job interview]

    Interviewer: What would you say was your biggest weakness?

    Achilles: Um, this is going to sound a bit weird...
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist


      Originally posted by WTFH View Post
      Just had a message from Brillo Mirror...
      I'm working on a Valentine's day poem.
      I reckon rhyming boobs with pubes may be the kicker.
      She'll be mine by Easter.
      and someone else's by Christmas!
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.


        A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh playing the fruit machine.
        He calls over, "Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink?" and Van Gogh replies, "No thanks. I've got one 'ere."

        …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore


          I’ve created a spreadsheet which notes everything I’m gonna give up until Easter
          It’s excel lent
          …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore


            I just bought the client PM a ‘hope you get better soon’ card.
            He’s not ill. Just rubbish at his job.
            …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore


              I was in the local garden centre yesterday, and I swear I saw Michael J. Fox.

              I couldn’t be 100% though, as he had his back to the Fuchsias!
              Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
              I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

              I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.


                Never ask an Englishman where he is from. If he's from Yorkshire, he'll tell you. If he's not, it's unfair to embarrass him.
                Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!


                  Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

                  They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

                  The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

                  Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off.
                  However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

                  Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

                  After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,
                  "Any idea where we are?"

                  Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."


                    An Irish farm hand was complaining to his mate that this girl he fancied completely ignores him. After a quiet man to man talk, the farmhand proceeds to the machine shed where his mate found him talking to himself. What are you doing mate, "well" he said, "you told me to say something nice to a tractor, so I'm here talking to this one!.


                      Janet Street Porter goes into a bar and asks the barman "Can I get a large aperitif?"

                      Barman says, "I doubt it"