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Please put more jokes here

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    The head of MI5 said recently that terrorism poses a threat to every single person in the UK. I’m OK then, I’m married.
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

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      My friend's wife left him last week.

      She said she was going out for milk and never came back.

      I asked him how he was coping.

      He said "Not bad, I've been using some of that powdered stuff"
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        My grandfather has the heart of a lion....
        and a lifetime ban from Chester Zoo.
        The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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          I got mugged by six dwarfs last night.
          Not happy.

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            My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her "I can't believe she's not better".
            The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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              To clear my windscreen this morning I used a discount card. But I could only get 10% off.

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                Everyone kept asking Pavlov why his hair was so soft and shiney.

                He told them he Conditioned it.
                "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

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                  Hopefully, I've got a book coming out soon. Shouldn't have eaten it, really.
                  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                    Originally posted by mudskipper View Post
                    I got mugged by six dwarfs last night.
                    Not happy.
                    the seven dwarfs were all taking a bath and feeling Happy. Happy got out, so they felt Grumpy.

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                      As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to survive. Lucky my older brother told me about it really.
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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