The head of MI5 said recently that terrorism poses a threat to every single person in the UK. I’m OK then, I’m married.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
My friend's wife left him last week.
She said she was going out for milk and never came back.
I asked him how he was coping.
He said "Not bad, I've been using some of that powdered stuff"“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
My grandfather has the heart of a lion....
and a lifetime ban from Chester Zoo.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
-
-
My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her "I can't believe she's not better".The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
-
Comment
-
Everyone kept asking Pavlov why his hair was so soft and shiney.
He told them he Conditioned it."Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.Comment
-
Hopefully, I've got a book coming out soon. Shouldn't have eaten it, really.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
-
Originally posted by mudskipper View PostI got mugged by six dwarfs last night.
Not happy.Comment
-
As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to survive. Lucky my older brother told me about it really.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Already know you'll miss Tuesday's tax deadline? Proceed at your peril Yesterday 09:50
- Can I expense via my limited company a Smartwatch bought for me at Christmas? Yesterday 09:47
- 'Laggard' contractors urged to file now as Jan 31st tax deadline looms Jan 25 10:31
- Contractors' Questions: Where do limited company directors struggle with self-assessment tax returns? Jan 25 09:46
- Taxman tries to tackle ex-rugby union ace Stuart Barnes on IR35, but fails Jan 24 10:38
- Where foul play crept into HMRC's IR35 attack on ex-rugby union star Stuart Barnes Jan 24 09:49
- 5 contractor tips to keep burnout at bay in 2023 Jan 23 23:16
- MPs put HMRC on deadline over unacceptable service to taxpayers Jan 23 09:51
- Anger and condolences, as a tenth taxpayer caught by the loan charge commits suicide Jan 20 01:58
- Contractors' Questions: Do contractors need to cover themselves from the IR35 off-payroll rules? Jan 19 09:27
Comment