Please put more jokes here

[NotAllThere]

Breaking news: EVERYONE at John Lennon Airport have just been placed into quarantine.
Imagine! All the people.

Sounds like Milton Jones that one.

[vetran]

Boris and bake off are on tv at the same time tonight so no matter which channel you watch you’ll see an Eton Mess

[vetran]

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.






"Certainly," he replied.






I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

[vetran]

I've been banned from our local petrol station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...


I won't get fuelled again.

[vetran]

News:Bomb found in Birmingham travelodge.

Probably done by Ibis.

[vetran]

NAT tod me this story!

I was at a bar the other day and I saw a hen party wearing T-shirts printed with the words Penis Police. I asked them what it meant.


They said that if I had an average-sized penis, I would be charged with a misdemeanour. If I had a large penis, I would be charged with a felony.


Anyway, long story short, they gave me a parking ticket.

[vetran]

The neighbours knocked on the front door.
"We're going out tonight," they told me. "We need a babysitter for our two-year-old boy that doesn't smoke or do drugs or gamble."






"I'm not sure why you're boasting," I replied. "I don't know any two-year-olds that do those things."

[vetran]

Well, my grandad was on the Western Front and he reckoned it was really noisy.

[WTFH]

The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away today.


His wife is taking it really hard.

[vetran]

for WTFH

I hate it when I'm texting and I'm rudely interrupted by a cyclist bouncing off my windscreen