Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Funny how government advice changes!


August - EOHO (Eat Out to Help Out)


September - DUFO (Drink up, **** Off)

[vetran]

The local stationary shop has moved. How ironic

[vetran]

Covid 19, Aids and the Black Death walk into a bar.


Barman says, “**** OFF IT’S AFTER TEN AND BORIS SAYS YOU ARE BARRED!”

[vetran]

That's Christmas sorted.




I'm gonna kill the turkey, and invite 30 people around for the funeral.

[WTFH]

I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.


It's only got one track, mind.

[WTFH]

Brexit was supposed to turn the UK into an economic superman, but all we have ended up with are more clerks in Kent

[WTFH]

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween.
It’s terrible for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural cyclist skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

[vetran]

I've just been diagnosed with terminal D.I.Y shoppers syndrome.
I've been given six Wickes to live.

[vetran]

I don’t know how these chain smokers do it.


I can’t get mine to light.

[vetran]

"Don't get too drunk and make sure you're home by 10".


Reminds me of being 14.