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Please put more jokes here

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    Funny how government advice changes!


    August - EOHO (Eat Out to Help Out)


    September - DUFO (Drink up, **** Off)
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      The local stationary shop has moved. How ironic
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Covid 19, Aids and the Black Death walk into a bar.


        Barman says, “**** OFF IT’S AFTER TEN AND BORIS SAYS YOU ARE BARRED!”
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          That's Christmas sorted.




          I'm gonna kill the turkey, and invite 30 people around for the funeral.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.


            It's only got one track, mind.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              Brexit was supposed to turn the UK into an economic superman, but all we have ended up with are more clerks in Kent
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween.
                It’s terrible for the environment.

                Locally sourced, all natural cyclist skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  I've just been diagnosed with terminal D.I.Y shoppers syndrome.
                  I've been given six Wickes to live.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I don’t know how these chain smokers do it.


                    I can’t get mine to light.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      "Don't get too drunk and make sure you're home by 10".


                      Reminds me of being 14.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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